Karma

I didn't pray for this to happen, in fact, I believe I was happy with my life until the past couple of weeks. It's all started with a betrayal, and it's my fault. I was angry and emotionally unstable in that moment, and in that state of mind I did mistakes. Big and stupid mistakes. Since then there were tons of sequels of drama as consequences of what i've done and I tried to solve things out, fixing this and solving that, hoping everything will be just fine.

Of course everything was fine, silly me solved it so professionally, and I thought I will be okay.

But i was wrong.

I was completely wrong.

I didn't sort things out perfectly.

There were some parts which I didn't cure, which involve heart and feelings of myself.

I was hurt. I felt betrayed, thinking that I have no one here who I can trust, since the only people who I trust didn't trust me as much as I do.

But it wasn't a big deal. It's a small matter.

But the problem is i am a sensitive type of person inside. Extra sensitive to be exact.

And that caused me to always judge people. I judge people based on what they did because that's who i am, i'm an observant, and sensitive too, and of course whatever things that they did left permanent scar in my heart.

And it's permanent.

And permanent means it sucks.

The real problem is I am a huge karma believer.

I believe that if I felt moody from the beginning of the day, my day will be like hell.

And yeah i couldn't control it, and it happened.

I felt uneasy for couple of weeks, and feeling moody wasn't a good sign for me for my future days ahead, and my theories of karma were practically true. Things started to fall apart, I've been so emo, my head hurt, i feel so tired, and yes, I was in a mess, and still am.

Loads of problems occurred, and they weren't easy to be solved.

I don't know if I could solve things out right now, my time is limited, I definitely need some helps. I need my friends right now.

And when i mean friends, i really really mean real friends, and freaking yes it's hard to find one these days.

I'm sorry, I didnt blame anyone on this. It's my fault, and if pretending that my life is fine will makes me happy, or others happy, so being hypocrite will be my choice.

Usually i have no problems with things like this. I am professional, I always take extra precautions to save my heart from being hurt, but that day I just couldn't bear it.

I lose control.

And hell yeah I was tired.

and still am.