Something went wrong

Something definitely went wrong if you saw me laying lifeless in my warm comforter while listening to old sappy malay songs with such penghayatan sampai mata berkaca-kaca, in which at times you might also hear me bersusah payah emotionally trying to sing the choruses out loud walaupun liriknya berterabur bagai.

Like just tadi I was trying to sing this one out, entah lagu zaman bila lah ni.


Yeah, something definitely went wrong if you saw me like that. And no, im not in my post breakup state ke apa, i dont date, jangan salah paham. That lagu was so random and liriknya takde kena mengena pun with whatever happening in my life.

At times I feel like writing down all my problems here without having to feel insecure at all, like lantaklah apa orang nak fikir I just need to let it out from my chest, but then im not that brave to do so to face whatever consequences I might get as it will worsen my stress.

People say when you're down or stressed out you need to try luahkan those negative thingy inside you no matter what, either to people or to whatever mediums that you feel comfortable with, but I just cant do it.

I simply just can't do it. Ever since I was little I have this serious trust issue and my pillars of those whom I trust the most cannot be reached face-to-face untuk some sesi pillow talk or something. And luahkan your perasaan thru visual sites sangatlah sucks sebab I hate typing things down via chat or whatever to let go of my emotions.

So what did I do? I chose to pendam those emotions in. Like menyendiri and think and think and think. And then mulalah nak feel stressed out. And lepas tu I do these unnecessary to mention things then lastly i will ended up listening to music. Old sappy malay music. Like the mendayu-dayu type with ayat berbunga-bunga dan penuh makna and all.

And somehow it helps.

I'm not saying that these things help everyone ke apa, semua orang ada masalah, binatang ada masalah, kucing lembu kambing itik cacing lipan semuanya ada masalah, but what im trying to say is lain people lain caranya on how they cope on emotional situation.

And as for me this one kadang-kadang helps. Maybe not so much, but at least it helps. And no if someone datang and ask me whats wrong aew u okay blablabla I still takkan open up punya. Like hello trust issue, remember?

Tapi,.as cliche as this would sound, that one punya method is remedy duniawi yang sementara. The best remedy of course lah sucikan diri dan baca penawar bagi segala benda and lastly, berserah. Yes, berserah. Like berserah dan bertawakkal pada Allah sebab whatever things happened for a reason and definitely its some kind of ujian for you.

But still...my berserah act is more to pasrah yang gila terlebih, sampai baring-baring sedih huuu Y_Y

Well, whatever it is, it is what it is and honestly this post is so random. But I am just kinda stressed out lately and I need to post this one up. Like I need to do this for some strange unknown reason yang I cant even explain why. Like its so random, random like random..

Well hmm, there's something definitely wrong with me.