Saturday, January 26, 2013
And suddenly it hits me...
...yet I'm so arrogant and egoistic to let myself loose and tell Him anything. Allah..
Friday, January 25, 2013
The Line
Look, i'm drawing the line here. The line is drawn. There is now a big, fat line.
As much as people going cray-cray on people's lives like being so busybody, poking here and there and hushing about this and that at here, there, anywhere...im drawing the line here. The line of whatever-ness, and I hope it's gonna be the last.
People are nosy, and let them be.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Something went wrong
Something definitely went wrong if you saw me laying lifeless in my warm comforter while listening to old sappy malay songs with such penghayatan sampai mata berkaca-kaca, in which at times you might also hear me bersusah payah emotionally trying to sing the choruses out loud walaupun liriknya berterabur bagai.
Like just tadi I was trying to sing this one out, entah lagu zaman bila lah ni.
Yeah, something definitely went wrong if you saw me like that. And no, im not in my post breakup state ke apa, i dont date, jangan salah paham. That lagu was so random and liriknya takde kena mengena pun with whatever happening in my life.
At times I feel like writing down all my problems here without having to feel insecure at all, like lantaklah apa orang nak fikir I just need to let it out from my chest, but then im not that brave to do so to face whatever consequences I might get as it will worsen my stress.
People say when you're down or stressed out you need to try luahkan those negative thingy inside you no matter what, either to people or to whatever mediums that you feel comfortable with, but I just cant do it.
I simply just can't do it. Ever since I was little I have this serious trust issue and my pillars of those whom I trust the most cannot be reached face-to-face untuk some sesi pillow talk or something. And luahkan your perasaan thru visual sites sangatlah sucks sebab I hate typing things down via chat or whatever to let go of my emotions.
So what did I do? I chose to pendam those emotions in. Like menyendiri and think and think and think. And then mulalah nak feel stressed out. And lepas tu I do these unnecessary to mention things then lastly i will ended up listening to music. Old sappy malay music. Like the mendayu-dayu type with ayat berbunga-bunga dan penuh makna and all.
And somehow it helps.
I'm not saying that these things help everyone ke apa, semua orang ada masalah, binatang ada masalah, kucing lembu kambing itik cacing lipan semuanya ada masalah, but what im trying to say is lain people lain caranya on how they cope on emotional situation.
And as for me this one kadang-kadang helps. Maybe not so much, but at least it helps. And no if someone datang and ask me whats wrong aew u okay blablabla I still takkan open up punya. Like hello trust issue, remember?
Tapi,.as cliche as this would sound, that one punya method is remedy duniawi yang sementara. The best remedy of course lah sucikan diri dan baca penawar bagi segala benda and lastly, berserah. Yes, berserah. Like berserah dan bertawakkal pada Allah sebab whatever things happened for a reason and definitely its some kind of ujian for you.
But still...my berserah act is more to pasrah yang gila terlebih, sampai baring-baring sedih huuu Y_Y
Well, whatever it is, it is what it is and honestly this post is so random. But I am just kinda stressed out lately and I need to post this one up. Like I need to do this for some strange unknown reason yang I cant even explain why. Like its so random, random like random..
Well hmm, there's something definitely wrong with me.
Like just tadi I was trying to sing this one out, entah lagu zaman bila lah ni.
Yeah, something definitely went wrong if you saw me like that. And no, im not in my post breakup state ke apa, i dont date, jangan salah paham. That lagu was so random and liriknya takde kena mengena pun with whatever happening in my life.
At times I feel like writing down all my problems here without having to feel insecure at all, like lantaklah apa orang nak fikir I just need to let it out from my chest, but then im not that brave to do so to face whatever consequences I might get as it will worsen my stress.
People say when you're down or stressed out you need to try luahkan those negative thingy inside you no matter what, either to people or to whatever mediums that you feel comfortable with, but I just cant do it.
I simply just can't do it. Ever since I was little I have this serious trust issue and my pillars of those whom I trust the most cannot be reached face-to-face untuk some sesi pillow talk or something. And luahkan your perasaan thru visual sites sangatlah sucks sebab I hate typing things down via chat or whatever to let go of my emotions.
So what did I do? I chose to pendam those emotions in. Like menyendiri and think and think and think. And then mulalah nak feel stressed out. And lepas tu I do these unnecessary to mention things then lastly i will ended up listening to music. Old sappy malay music. Like the mendayu-dayu type with ayat berbunga-bunga dan penuh makna and all.
And somehow it helps.
I'm not saying that these things help everyone ke apa, semua orang ada masalah, binatang ada masalah, kucing lembu kambing itik cacing lipan semuanya ada masalah, but what im trying to say is lain people lain caranya on how they cope on emotional situation.
And as for me this one kadang-kadang helps. Maybe not so much, but at least it helps. And no if someone datang and ask me whats wrong aew u okay blablabla I still takkan open up punya. Like hello trust issue, remember?
Tapi,.as cliche as this would sound, that one punya method is remedy duniawi yang sementara. The best remedy of course lah sucikan diri dan baca penawar bagi segala benda and lastly, berserah. Yes, berserah. Like berserah dan bertawakkal pada Allah sebab whatever things happened for a reason and definitely its some kind of ujian for you.
But still...my berserah act is more to pasrah yang gila terlebih, sampai baring-baring sedih huuu Y_Y
Well, whatever it is, it is what it is and honestly this post is so random. But I am just kinda stressed out lately and I need to post this one up. Like I need to do this for some strange unknown reason yang I cant even explain why. Like its so random, random like random..
Well hmm, there's something definitely wrong with me.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Heyy this is crazy
Sedihnya.
Each one of us is blessed (ye ke blessed) with different masalah dan different kegembiraan. For me, one of the things that can be classified as masalah is having this adamant urge inside of me to keep throwing money on stupid unnecessary things.
It was so crazy.
Like baru semalam I was so gila-gila nak purchase this on sale's leather aviator jacket, along with muffler yang compliment my winter hat and this nice-combo-coloured bubble jacket sebab they are all on sale, tapi pusing punya pusing dan fikir punya fikir, alhamdulillah I managed to pull off myself from jadi orang yang gila boros.
Padahal you tengah pokai lah A, gilalah.
Dan those things like seriously bukannya keperluan pun. Tak ada banyak pun takpe. Like I already have two leather jackets, I still can withstand the crazy cold temperature in my already own jacket, and dont even talk about mufflers, I have bunch of them. It just I dont know whats gets into me to be such a maniac in this shopping thingy, bila sale je it makes me go crazy.
I know its normal when people go all the way Gaga when it comes to shopping during sale, tapi in my case I think im a little bit overboard with it. Mengalahkan pompuan, ayyo. Padahal nanti nak kahwin ko yang kena keluar duit sebab ko lelaki, haihs.
Well I know it can be fixed, I tried to supress it tapi bila I see the tag, my mind will eventually come out with something yang akan justify why I should buy those stuffs like "ooh this is murah je, this is good future investment blablabla"..pretty crazy isn't it?
Haih, sedihnya.
They say in needing to change you kena buat sikit demi sikit, and it has to start now. I have to cut off my addiction and to do that I have to reduce my shopping craziness slowly. Kena selalu ingatkan diri yang they are not necessary and membazir itu amalan syaitan, as well as obsesi diri tak boleh lebih-lebih..nanti merosakkan diri sebab bertuhankan benda lain yang obviously, Allah tak suka.
Wish me luck, my blogging people. I know I can do it!
Each one of us is blessed (ye ke blessed) with different masalah dan different kegembiraan. For me, one of the things that can be classified as masalah is having this adamant urge inside of me to keep throwing money on stupid unnecessary things.
It was so crazy.
Like baru semalam I was so gila-gila nak purchase this on sale's leather aviator jacket, along with muffler yang compliment my winter hat and this nice-combo-coloured bubble jacket sebab they are all on sale, tapi pusing punya pusing dan fikir punya fikir, alhamdulillah I managed to pull off myself from jadi orang yang gila boros.
Padahal you tengah pokai lah A, gilalah.
Dan those things like seriously bukannya keperluan pun. Tak ada banyak pun takpe. Like I already have two leather jackets, I still can withstand the crazy cold temperature in my already own jacket, and dont even talk about mufflers, I have bunch of them. It just I dont know whats gets into me to be such a maniac in this shopping thingy, bila sale je it makes me go crazy.
I know its normal when people go all the way Gaga when it comes to shopping during sale, tapi in my case I think im a little bit overboard with it. Mengalahkan pompuan, ayyo. Padahal nanti nak kahwin ko yang kena keluar duit sebab ko lelaki, haihs.
Well I know it can be fixed, I tried to supress it tapi bila I see the tag, my mind will eventually come out with something yang akan justify why I should buy those stuffs like "ooh this is murah je, this is good future investment blablabla"..pretty crazy isn't it?
Haih, sedihnya.
They say in needing to change you kena buat sikit demi sikit, and it has to start now. I have to cut off my addiction and to do that I have to reduce my shopping craziness slowly. Kena selalu ingatkan diri yang they are not necessary and membazir itu amalan syaitan, as well as obsesi diri tak boleh lebih-lebih..nanti merosakkan diri sebab bertuhankan benda lain yang obviously, Allah tak suka.
Wish me luck, my blogging people. I know I can do it!
New Year - 2013
Dear bloggie,
There was not so much going on my new year's eve. Kalau tahun lepas I went celebrating by watching fireworks at Red Square, this year I spent my night by relaxing at home, doing simple stuffs with housemates like cooking meal and watching movies together.
I just didn't feel like celebrating, apatah lagi my ayah long passed away on 30th, just few minutes after I called home. Waktu I called mama said its nearing his time as his bp and pulse is decreasing, they wanted to recite Yassin malam tu tapi tak sempat as he's already gone. I felt so bad for not being there, lebih-lebih lagi I wasnt that close to him before walaupun disuruh berkali-kali untuk lawat ayah long bertanyakan khabar. By the time I wanted to pay him a visit it was too late as he already has AD and couldn't remember many of us.
Whatever it is, it is what it is. It's his time and nothing we can do to revert back time. Al-Fatihah ayah long, moga ditempatkan dalam kalangan orang beriman.
The passing of ayah long buat aku sedar yang age is just a number, bila-bila masa je manusia akan mati. Lebih-lebih lagi bila ayah long meninggal dunia sebab sakit tua, he's 100+ years old can you believe it? Dia tak sempat merasa tahun 2013 walaupun dah hidup lama. Itulah, ada yang dianugerahkan Allah untuk pergi waktu usia muda, dan ada yang pergi waktu tua. Yang pasti semua yang bernyawa akan merasakan mati macam yang disebut dalam Surah Ali Imran, ayat 185.
So bagi kita yang berjaya melepasi tahun demi tahun ni, sepatutnya kita kena selalu bersyukur sebab kita tak tahu bila tarikh exact kita akan mati. Mungkin besok, mungkin lusa atau mungkin hujung tahun depan. Oleh sebab itu, hayat yang kita ada ni kita kena maksimumkan semaksimum mungkin untuk buat amalan baik banyak-banyak sebab kita tak tahu bila ajal kita akan tiba.
Macam ayat-ayat klise yang kita selalu dengar, dunia ni tak lain dan tak bukan ialah ladang untuk bekalan kita di akhirat nanti. Walaupun klise, tapi ayat-ayat cenggitu memang tersangatlah betul dan wajib untuk kita teladani dan amalkan. Yelah, kalau diri tu tahu banyak mana bertimbunnya pahala dalam akaun kita tu takpelah nak mati bila-bila masa pun, masalahnya kita tak tahu banyak mana yang kita ada. Cukup ke, sikit ke, kita tak tahu.
Oleh sebab itulah mulai sekarang kita kena usaha sungguh-sungguh di dunia ini untuk dapatkan bekalan yang banyak untuk kehidupan kita di akhirat kelak. Walaupun tak banyak, tapi kalau bersungguh-sungguh, inshaaAllah. Dan jangan risau, memang nak buat benda baik ni mak aihhh bukan main susahhh, tapi inshaaAllah dalam setiap niat kita nak berusaha untuk mendapatkan akhirat yang manis, Allah SWT akan bantu kita sebab Dia kan Maha Pemurah.
Tak caya cu tengok ayat 19 dan ayat 20 dalam surah al-Isra';
"Dan barang siapa mengkehendaki kehidupan akhirat dan berusaha ke arah itu dengan bersungguh-sungguh, sedangkan dia beriman, maka mereka itulah orang yang usahanya dibalas dengan baik."
"Kepada masing-masing (golongan), baik golongan ini yang menginginkan dunia mahupun golongan itu yang menginginkan akhirat, Kami akan berikan bantuan dari kemurahan Tuhanmu. Dan kemurahan Tuhanmu tidak dapat dihalangi."
Jadi jom jom jom di awal tahun ni, mari tajdid niat di awal-awal tahun yang ceria ini untuk berusaha untuk mengkehendaki kehidupan akhirat yang lagi manis daripada kehidupan dunia yang memang dah manis ni. Bukan setakat niat je tau, kena usaha jugak. Sikit-sikit pun takpe, asalkan kita berubah. Lagipun kan Allah dah cakap yang Dia akan tolong? Heeee
So dengan itu I end this post with ucapan salam tahun baru buat semua. Moga tahun ni jadi tahun yang lagi bapak bermanfaat berbanding tahun-tahun sebelumnya, dan me myself pun amat berharap sangat yang I'll be better in person than the previous me yang gila bertimbun cacat cela.
Till later, salam :)
There was not so much going on my new year's eve. Kalau tahun lepas I went celebrating by watching fireworks at Red Square, this year I spent my night by relaxing at home, doing simple stuffs with housemates like cooking meal and watching movies together.
I just didn't feel like celebrating, apatah lagi my ayah long passed away on 30th, just few minutes after I called home. Waktu I called mama said its nearing his time as his bp and pulse is decreasing, they wanted to recite Yassin malam tu tapi tak sempat as he's already gone. I felt so bad for not being there, lebih-lebih lagi I wasnt that close to him before walaupun disuruh berkali-kali untuk lawat ayah long bertanyakan khabar. By the time I wanted to pay him a visit it was too late as he already has AD and couldn't remember many of us.
Whatever it is, it is what it is. It's his time and nothing we can do to revert back time. Al-Fatihah ayah long, moga ditempatkan dalam kalangan orang beriman.
The passing of ayah long buat aku sedar yang age is just a number, bila-bila masa je manusia akan mati. Lebih-lebih lagi bila ayah long meninggal dunia sebab sakit tua, he's 100+ years old can you believe it? Dia tak sempat merasa tahun 2013 walaupun dah hidup lama. Itulah, ada yang dianugerahkan Allah untuk pergi waktu usia muda, dan ada yang pergi waktu tua. Yang pasti semua yang bernyawa akan merasakan mati macam yang disebut dalam Surah Ali Imran, ayat 185.
So bagi kita yang berjaya melepasi tahun demi tahun ni, sepatutnya kita kena selalu bersyukur sebab kita tak tahu bila tarikh exact kita akan mati. Mungkin besok, mungkin lusa atau mungkin hujung tahun depan. Oleh sebab itu, hayat yang kita ada ni kita kena maksimumkan semaksimum mungkin untuk buat amalan baik banyak-banyak sebab kita tak tahu bila ajal kita akan tiba.
Macam ayat-ayat klise yang kita selalu dengar, dunia ni tak lain dan tak bukan ialah ladang untuk bekalan kita di akhirat nanti. Walaupun klise, tapi ayat-ayat cenggitu memang tersangatlah betul dan wajib untuk kita teladani dan amalkan. Yelah, kalau diri tu tahu banyak mana bertimbunnya pahala dalam akaun kita tu takpelah nak mati bila-bila masa pun, masalahnya kita tak tahu banyak mana yang kita ada. Cukup ke, sikit ke, kita tak tahu.
Oleh sebab itulah mulai sekarang kita kena usaha sungguh-sungguh di dunia ini untuk dapatkan bekalan yang banyak untuk kehidupan kita di akhirat kelak. Walaupun tak banyak, tapi kalau bersungguh-sungguh, inshaaAllah. Dan jangan risau, memang nak buat benda baik ni mak aihhh bukan main susahhh, tapi inshaaAllah dalam setiap niat kita nak berusaha untuk mendapatkan akhirat yang manis, Allah SWT akan bantu kita sebab Dia kan Maha Pemurah.
Tak caya cu tengok ayat 19 dan ayat 20 dalam surah al-Isra';
"Dan barang siapa mengkehendaki kehidupan akhirat dan berusaha ke arah itu dengan bersungguh-sungguh, sedangkan dia beriman, maka mereka itulah orang yang usahanya dibalas dengan baik."
"Kepada masing-masing (golongan), baik golongan ini yang menginginkan dunia mahupun golongan itu yang menginginkan akhirat, Kami akan berikan bantuan dari kemurahan Tuhanmu. Dan kemurahan Tuhanmu tidak dapat dihalangi."
Jadi jom jom jom di awal tahun ni, mari tajdid niat di awal-awal tahun yang ceria ini untuk berusaha untuk mengkehendaki kehidupan akhirat yang lagi manis daripada kehidupan dunia yang memang dah manis ni. Bukan setakat niat je tau, kena usaha jugak. Sikit-sikit pun takpe, asalkan kita berubah. Lagipun kan Allah dah cakap yang Dia akan tolong? Heeee
So dengan itu I end this post with ucapan salam tahun baru buat semua. Moga tahun ni jadi tahun yang lagi bapak bermanfaat berbanding tahun-tahun sebelumnya, dan me myself pun amat berharap sangat yang I'll be better in person than the previous me yang gila bertimbun cacat cela.
Till later, salam :)
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