New Year

Moscow, 31st December, 10:42 pm

In about 1 hour 18 minutes, all of us will be waving goodbye to 2010 and saying hello to 2011. Some are celebrating new year by having small gathering in their apartments/dorm/etc with closest friends, some are partying in clubs/restaurants etc with again their friends, some are already in dataran something for countdown to the new year, and some are just facebooking and surfing internet, alone, and yeah, alone.

...... makan megi .......

yeah kat mana tadi?

oh yep, pasal celebrate something

well tonight i'm celebrating new year alone, well not so alone to be exact, i have my housemates with me in another room, ym-ing kot, and my facebook friends hahahaha, not alone lah kan?

rumah agak sepi malam ni, dua orang pergi sambut new year kat rumah kawan, attending sleepover plus a bit makan-makan, another two went to watch fireworks in still-havent-decide-it-yet place and the remaining are here, celebrating new year with virtual friends and one is in dreams.

But at least i've had some makan-makan at this shoppping complex until 8p.m, and i went straight home. Itupun setelah dipaksa, dan kebetulan pulak we had this meeting with JPA straight after solat jumaat. So i just follow the flow. Yelah, my plan supposed to be at home early, then watching movie while enjoying ice-cream je. Takutlah nak balik lewat atau tengok bunga api with the Russians, macamlah diorang minda betul sangat bila diorang mabuk.

Anyway yep, that's my new year celebration.

Eating megi, facebooking, hearing this dumdam dumdam outside and yeah that's it.

I'm celebrating it with peace, and that's a good thing lah kan kan?

But i'm a bit jealous bila dengar these dum dam dum dam outside my apartments with lotsa kids yang tak tidor lagi walaupun dah lepas pukul 12 dah ni. Buat hati ni menyesal tak ikut my housemates keluar tengok bunga api, mesti cantik kan scenery dia.

Takpe takpe, ada hikmah la tu sebab apa tadi tanak pegi, kita mana tahu apa yang tersembunyi di sebalik apa yang kita buat kan? Tahun depan memang kena ajak batchmates lah pergi ramai-ramai, baru tak rasa takut sikit.

Okay, skipped this.

Bila tahun baru start, mesti sibuk-sibuk duk tanya apa azam tahun baru?

Well this year, i wont be berazam lagi, sebab azam yang tahun tahun lepas berkurun lamanya tak pernah pun tertunai. So malaslah nak berazam-azam nih, i'm not that istiqamah lah.

Tapi cuma satu je azam, azam ni memang sama tiap-tiap tahun lah punya, iaitu nak perbaiki diri especially dalam bab-bab agama. Yelah, makin bertambah tahun ni makin buat aku jadi takut nak hidup. Tadi baru je nak post something kat facebook nak buat status, then ternampak seorang hamba Allah ni tulis pasal surah al-Asr. Then directly rasa macam kena stabbed stabbed je jantung ni.

Tiba-tiba je terpikir, aku still tak berubah pun walaupun dah lepas satu tahun. Tu pun nasib baik lepas, kalu tak dapat hidup dalam setahun yang Allah kasi tu macam mana? then minda mulalah pikir pasal mak, abah, along, am etc etc etc.

Takut kan?

Apapun, hepi new year lah.

Hope makin bertambah tahun ni buat kita makin bersyukur ngan nikmat ni, dan buat kita propel forward lah supaya kita tak jadi orang yang rugi

Okelah, Salam 2011 semua

Ini Harapan, Mungkin Bagi Aku Je Kot

Ada yang rasa geli, menyampah, meluat, tapi bagi aku ini satu harapan.

Korang pulak, amacam?

Apa korang rasa?

Old Days

There's definitely something wrong with me. Ive been strolling down the memory lane these days by filling myself in with tons of evergreen Malay songs, from P.Ramlee's to Mawi's, Misha Omar's, Jamal Abdillah, Anuar Zain's etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc

Just last night i watched all Siti Nurhaliza's AJL performances, from Jerat Percintaan to Destinasi Cinta on YouTube, and i remember last week i downloaded all Anuar Zain's ballad songs just because i felt like listening to his voice, viewing back all reality programmes' performances from AFs to Malaysian Idols and OIAMs, and gosh today i was singing dangdut of Amelina and Ramlah Ram with some oldskool stuffs from Sudirman and Saloma, plus some lagu rakyats like Ulek Mayang and Suriram.

Am I missing the old days way too much?

Rubbish.

Just ignore this one, won't you?

Again

ive been thinking over and over again to shut this blog down due to some reasons that i strongly believe reasonable. I just can't live like this anymore, i feel oppressed in my own world. Things got their own limit, and breaking the habit sometimes will make some feel uneasy. That's the reason why i rarely posting new stuff here, i hate judgements, especially from people who i'll be meeting everyday with.

And looking my unpublished 183 posts, i really need to get over with this asap

it's not that im trying to be disconnected with people, i just dont feel people will understand my situation, and i seriously need that space.

..................................................

maybe its a bad idea typing this after all.

bukannya aku tak leh buat senyap-senyap kot, nak jugak announce satu dunia

huh, should go shopping lah to release tension XD

Scarves DIY

Stumbled on these when googling around for trashion stuff, omg so gonna try 'em out.

and this one reminds me with the one in TopMan, the one that quite pricey for just a scarf T_T

for more creative DIY stuffs, click here :)

X Factor Finale

Life was miserable these days, but that shouldnt be an excuse for me to not doing my small recap of this year X-Factor's finale like always. Lantaklah apa korang nak cakap, its my fine own world lah.

Based on their performances, it's predictable who will win this year's X Factor, and I wasnt surprised when Dermot announced Matt Cardle's name, although i was rooting for One Direction that night hohoho.

My favourite performance?

The duets of Rihanna and Matt Cardle.

Watching Rihanna performing Unfaithful with him enlightened me up, not just because it's Rihanna and that's my favourite song of her, but Danni knew how to play her card well by collaborating those two together, although I could see he's struggling a bit with the song.

Rebecca was soulful like always, I hate her winning single though, it wasn't great at all. She shouldnt sing Duffy's, or Adele's, or someone's song who has the same vocal range like her, it makes her looks nothing but a copycat. Other than that, yes, she has the voice of an angel.

One Direction? I love love love their Natalie Imbruglia's Torn version. Lagipun it's another my personal favourite song. I know you guys cant win, but please please please cover that song in your upcoming album please.

Cher Lloyd? She's amazing, and she's got talent. Idk what to say about this girl, I sorta have this hate-love thingy with her. She's annoying, but she's irresistible to watch. Knowing her winning single will be Shontelle's Impossible makes me regret though, but I still dont want her to win.

So yeah that's it, my small review.

Matt's winning single is great though, it suits his vocal. So yeah, I hope next year's X-Factor will be as much fun as this year.

So here's his duet with Rihanna, he sounds a bit nervous, tapi layan je lah :)

and here's One Direction's Torn

and Rebecca's Just Like A Star (Corrine Bailey-Rae)

p/s - haha Unfaithful masuk balik dalam carta UK, it's all because of X-Factor :)

Sacrifice

let's shout to the world what we've sacrificed so far, and heart will be harmed no more.
hiding our good deeds in the name of sacrifice doesnt makes us respectable, people are just plain stupid these days. they insanely judge people with their idiotic mind, and those who so-called liars are worshipped more than anything. maybe its time to live with lies, since people love liars.

truth hurts, but why should we suffer, when things should get better?

Clown

Like seriously, I dont have to make fun of myself by being hypocrite just to be in your self-created social circle, my mind still functioning well to tell me that im not that low. I know i have bad communication skill, but that doesnt mean i should be a clown, fancying around like a stupid penguin to be accepted in your community.

Even not everyone loves clown, isnt it?

One piece of advice, mind your own business please.

If you didnt like me, why bother messing up my life?

Day(s) 03, 04, 05, 06, 07

Ye saya tahu, saya pemalas.

Sepatutnya saya kena siapkan task ni, tapi saya stop kat Day 02, lepas tu memang hilang mood nak sambung balik.

Idea ada, cuma entahla, malas malas malas.

So hajatnya nak cuba cover sikit, cuba completekan yang mana yang termampu. Yelah, daripada tak buat langsung, baik cuba cover seket-seket.

So yeah jom mula!

DAY 03 - A picture of you with your friends.

I skipped this one, hate posting my own pictures muahahahaha.

Senang cakap, cameras hate me.

DAY 04 - A habit that you wish you didnt have

Oh this one should be an emotional one for me.

I wish that I am not that weak-hearted, too sensible person.

I wanna be stronger, and being stronger means i need to be ignorant.

Need to explain more?

Being (too) kind sucks!

DAY 05 - A picture of somewhere you've been to.

Ahha ini so klise!

Asal budak study kat rusia je mesti pos gambar posing ngan St. Basil, memang klise. Tempat ni memang selalu pegi kot last year bila emosi tak berapa nak stabil. Sebabnya tempat ni boleh tahan la cantiknya, tempat tarikan pelancong kot sini. Lagipun ada taman dekat-dekat situ, senang nak rehat-rehat minda tengok orang dating oopps. Pastu ada muzium, pastu dekat ngan shopping mall, diulangi shopping mall haha. Sekali lagi diulangi, shopping mall.

Day 06 - Favourite superhero and why?

Favourite superhero? Kalo boleh semua aku nak jadi. Nak jadi power rangers, superman, batman, ultraman taro, sailormoon, doremon, powerpuff girls, son goku, avatar etc etc etc. Tapi kalau boleh, sejak kecik kecik lagi minat nak ada power yang berkait ngan halimunan/invinsibility. Pastu bukan je stakat halimunan, siap boleh tembus dinding atau macam-macam benda macam hantu. Kalau dalam x-men ada satu watak tu, tapi dia pompuan, nama dia Kitty Pryde atau Shadowcat.

Sebab apa nak jadi macam hantu?

Entah, cool apa dapat power macam tu?

Kalu tak pun nak kuasa yang dapat baca minda orang, sumpah memang akan jadi emo selalu.

Tapi tak nak la dapat power yang berkait ngan hantu-hantu, macam dapat tengok...eyyy "seram"

Day 07 - A picture of someone/something that has a big impact on you

This picture doesn't has anything to do with me, but the statement does. Memang impak maha maksimum tahap gaban.

So dah dah la tu malam ni, sambung lain kali pulak.

Salam.

Lap Stove, Ingat Mama

I really need to post this.

Saya bukannya orang yang pembersih sangat, kalau kotor sikit-sikit saya still dapat handle, bukannya terlampau freak sampaikan kotor sikit boleh buat saya pengsan.

So sebab rumah ni dihuni dengan 7 orang lelaki bujang, dan apabila duk apartment ni macam duduk kat rumah sendiri tanpa sebarang peraturan, so bayang-bayangkanlah kondisi rumah tu macam mana.

Bila rumah tu dah agak serabai sikit, saya tolong kemas sikit-sikit, terutamanya kat tempat awam macam tandas dan dapur, sebab tempat tu saya kongsi sekali. Saya ni jenis yang tak leh tengok benda yang tak teratur, benda tu boleh buat saya jadi tak selesa.

Biasanya saya mengemas bila tempat tu teruk sangat, kalau kotor-kotor sikit je macam biasa saya pun tak kisah. So semalam saya bersihkan stove dapur sebab kat stove tu macam ada benda tumpah dengan banyaknya, dan benda tu dah seminggu lebih tak dicuci.

Dan prinsip saya pulak kalau saya mengemas, kalau saya start je mengemas memang saya akan kemas semua benda lah dari pinggan mangkuk, sink, mop lantai, lap meja, buang sampah etc etc sampai saya puas hati. Sebabnya memang mak abah saya ajar saya macam tu, memang yang selalu kemas rumah pagi-pagi memang saya ataupun kakak saya, mak saya biasanya uruskan pasal jemur baju dan hal-hal dapur.

So bila stove tu dah bersih, saya balik bilik nak layan Vampire Diaries, dan kawan saya yang on duty masak hari ni mulakan tugas masak dia. Bila dia dah siap, hancur hati saya. Stove tu kotor balik, bukan kotor biasa-biasa, tapi ada kuah tumpah banyak macam yang lepas punya.

Terkejut saya tengok stove tu, sebab memang saya dengan kentalnya cuci stove tu.

Masa tu saya nak marah, tapi saya terbayang sesuatu.

Saya terbayang yang oh macam ni rupanya mak saya rasa bila dia penat-penat kemas, pastu anak-anak dia kubangkan (baca: kotorkan) balik tempat tu. Masa tu saya terharu, memang strike to the heart betul-betullah punya tentang betapa tingginya nilai sabar seorang ibu melayan karenah anak-anak dia. Yelah, tipulah kalau saya cakap saya tak pernah kotorkan balik tempat yang dia letih-letih kemas kot waktu saya kecik kecik dulu.

So saya dengan sabarnya lap balik benda tu sebab bukannya hal besar pun nak kecoh-kecoh, bukannya selalu benda ni terjadi, dan memang saya pun tak suka marah-marah orang, itu bukan saya.

Dan ya, setiap kali saya tengok stove tu, saya akan rindu mak saya.

P/S - Kalau saya marah saya akan marah habis-habisan, saya akan pendam dulu sampai meletup baru dramatik seket efek dia kat orang sebab boleh tembak berdas-das-das banyaknya mwahahaha.

Day 02 : Blog's Name Bla Bla Bla

Day 02

The Meaning Behind You Blog's Name

hee this one is easy.

alah obvious kot, I am bloody ungrateful and that's explain the title well.

sebenarnya kalau ikut sejarah yang lepas lepas, A memang selalu mengarut, luah masalah, kutuk-kutuk orang guna blog ni. Tapi lama lama bila dah blog ni orang dah discover, terpaksa kena kurangkanlah sikit bab bab tak puas hati ni.

Yelah, tak nak lah orang cop kita emo.

Pastu tak suka orang tiba-tiba jadi prihatin on the spot.

Contohnya bila A pos rasa tak puas hati, then besoknya mesti adalah punya yang tanya apa yang tak kena, apa yang berlaku...alah cakap je lah nak cungkil rahsia, kan senang.

Tengok, orang jadi prihatin pun A marah marah kan?

Memang tak bersyukur = ungrateful

Tu yang jadi "the ungrateful me" tu.

Anyway yelah, dah lama kot tak beremosional kat sini.

Rindu lah pulak.

P/S - and yeah i am waiting when i'll be grateful even for once.

Day 01 : This Is Me Bla Bla Bla

I've missed 5 Challenges, gosh I'm so lazy these days, so yes I'll try to cover 'em up.

Day 01

A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

Well i didn't like posting my own pics, i'm shyly shy person.

But yeah whatever, maybe later.

15 interesting facts about myself.

1. I don't like eating vegetables, and please understand that don't like doesnt mean i anti them.

2. I love to isolate myself from others for couple of minutes to refresh my mind per day.

3. I love literature, especially those with myths and folklores and ancient history of civilisation. In fact, i've read Sulalatus Sulalatin and some Greek mythologies when I was seven

4. I like arts and drama, music and novels

5. Coffee, Tea and Hot Chocolate with cookies or raisin cake

6. I'm officially single, and will always be until who knows when. but I am searching hoho

7. I'm scared of blood kinda a bit, but I'm taking medic *funny*

8. I love learning new languages, my mind is more to arts and literature

9. I don't like children and always scares them when they're near me haha

10. I love fashion, but too scared to be fashionable. I believe i have low self-esteem, always believe people will comment, judge me for everything that I do, so i always be careful *scary*

11. Easily get nervous, starting with my hands shaking first

12. I'm difficult to be angry, i tend to keep it first and remain silent until it bursts out at one point, and yeah jangan buat aku marah sebab i can't control it

13. I'm not emo, i just love thinking about my own problems

14. I wanna live a simple life, but there some things that drift me away from what i want *sigh

15. I'm not a kind person, yeah maybe sometimes kind, but i take the word revenge seriously bwahaha

dah cukup kot 15, cih letih aku pikiaq.

Karma

I didn't pray for this to happen, in fact, I believe I was happy with my life until the past couple of weeks. It's all started with a betrayal, and it's my fault. I was angry and emotionally unstable in that moment, and in that state of mind I did mistakes. Big and stupid mistakes. Since then there were tons of sequels of drama as consequences of what i've done and I tried to solve things out, fixing this and solving that, hoping everything will be just fine.

Of course everything was fine, silly me solved it so professionally, and I thought I will be okay.

But i was wrong.

I was completely wrong.

I didn't sort things out perfectly.

There were some parts which I didn't cure, which involve heart and feelings of myself.

I was hurt. I felt betrayed, thinking that I have no one here who I can trust, since the only people who I trust didn't trust me as much as I do.

But it wasn't a big deal. It's a small matter.

But the problem is i am a sensitive type of person inside. Extra sensitive to be exact.

And that caused me to always judge people. I judge people based on what they did because that's who i am, i'm an observant, and sensitive too, and of course whatever things that they did left permanent scar in my heart.

And it's permanent.

And permanent means it sucks.

The real problem is I am a huge karma believer.

I believe that if I felt moody from the beginning of the day, my day will be like hell.

And yeah i couldn't control it, and it happened.

I felt uneasy for couple of weeks, and feeling moody wasn't a good sign for me for my future days ahead, and my theories of karma were practically true. Things started to fall apart, I've been so emo, my head hurt, i feel so tired, and yes, I was in a mess, and still am.

Loads of problems occurred, and they weren't easy to be solved.

I don't know if I could solve things out right now, my time is limited, I definitely need some helps. I need my friends right now.

And when i mean friends, i really really mean real friends, and freaking yes it's hard to find one these days.

I'm sorry, I didnt blame anyone on this. It's my fault, and if pretending that my life is fine will makes me happy, or others happy, so being hypocrite will be my choice.

Usually i have no problems with things like this. I am professional, I always take extra precautions to save my heart from being hurt, but that day I just couldn't bear it.

I lose control.

And hell yeah I was tired.

and still am.

Challenge yang aku akan buat bila aku bosan (kot)

Dulu dah pernah nampak benda ni kat blog someone, then bila jumpa pulak buat kali kedua terasa macam nak buat je. So kita tengok apa yang jadi hahaha, macam menarik kan kan?

30 DAYS CHALLENGE

DAY 01 - A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

DAY 02 - The meaning behind your blog's name

DAY 03 - A picture of you and your friends

DAY 04 - A habit that you wish you didn't have

DAY 05 - A picture of somewhere you've been to.

DAY 06 - Favorite superhero and why?

DAY 07 - A picture of someone/something that has a big impact on you

DAY 08 - Short term goals for this month and why

DAY 09 - Something you're proud of in the past few days

DAY 1o - Songs you listen to when you're happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad

DAY 11 - Anotehr picture of you and your friends

DAY 12 - How you found out about blog and why you made one

DAY 13 - A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

DAY 14 - A picture of you and your family

DAY 15 - Put your ipod in shuffle. First 10 songs that play

DAY 16 - Another picture of yourself

DAY 17 - Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why?

DAY 18 - Plans/dreams/goals you have

DAY 19 - Nicknames you have; why do you have them?

DAY 20 - Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in future
DAY 21 - A picture of something that makes you happy

DAY 22 - What makes you different from everyone else?

DAY 23 - Something you crave for a lot

DAY 24 - A letter for your parents

DAY 25 - What would i find in your bag?

DAY 26 - What do you think about your friends?

DAY 27 - Why are you doing this 30 days challenge?

DAY 28 - A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

DAY 29 - In this past month, what have you learned

DAY 30 - Who are you?

Selamat Pagi, Salji

Yeahh salji dah turun, so "selamat pagi, salji!"

Memang pelik, tahun ni excitement level nak tunggu salji turun memang tinggi gila kalo nak bandingkan ngan yang tahun lepas punya. Tahun lepas tak terasa nak menanti salji, tapi kali ni, selalu tertanya-tanya bila salji ni nak turun.

Yelah kalo diikutkan, tahun ni salji turun lambat sikit berbanding biasa, dan suhu sekitar pun macam agak biasa berbanding tahun lepas yang extreme gila sejuknya masa bulan November.

So bila salji turun, oh heaven gila rasa, macam dalam filem la pulak rasanya.

Dahla masa salji turun tuh waktu malam, dan memang nampak cantik gila salji putih turun dari langit.

Pastu, kebetulan pulak waktu tuh giliran A dan G pergi beli barang dapur kat Ashan (aka Mydin), masa tuh pulak tengah nak balik, memang timing tuh perfect lah.

Macam tahu tahu je yang A menanti salji turun.

Pastu masa dah sampai rumah, memang gila nak keluar lagi sebab nak dapatkan feeling happy tuh bila salji turun. So tak pasal-pasal cari alasan nak beli aiskrim kat kedai luar rumah, sebab nak jalan dan rasa suasana salji turun.

Lagipun, kalau lepas ni, feeling tu mesti dah hilang dah kan?

Salji ni bukannya semua orang suka kot. Memang waktu awal-awal semangat, happy je. Tapi lama-lama dah rasa leceh. Sejuklah. Kotorlah. Banyaklah lagi.

A je yang rasa macam muda sebab excited mengalahkan budak-budak kecik. Sepatutnya yang excited budak-budak 1st year, tapi haha, takpe takpe, itu tanda A masih muda.

Lagipun bukan salah A sebab budak-budak junior nampak macam matured seket, haha semua muka doktor opps :)

Anyway, dah la mengarut-ngarut, at least rasa relieved sebab it has been such a long emo week.

So salji selamat datang, dan winter sale pleaselah ada banyak choice saiz untuk aku :)

So ini my favourite pic, close-up bentuk salji. Ada gaya dlsr tak? Haha :)

Raya Haji

It's already Raya Haji here in Moscow today, in Malaysia will be the following day huhu.

Missing family?

Yeah I missed them, tapi lagi suka beraya bila masih lagi kecik.

Bukan sebab dapat lagi banyak duit raya ke apa, yeah itu satu sebab, tapi another sebab ialah

masa kecik sooo young and carefree, tak perlu tahu masalah konflik dalaman yang melanda.

Bila besar tahu itulah, inilah, even kalau sembunyik sembunyik pun still dapat tahu apa yang tak kena.

Otak sekarang bila besar dah boleh fikir mana satu salah, mana satu betul, mana satu yang tak kena.

OMG rindu nak tengok lembu kena sembelih belakang balasoh (baca: surau), suka tengok part darah mencurah-curah keluar, pastu lembu tu buat keluar bunyik bernafas ikut esofegus dia yang dah kena kerat tuh.

Pastu mulalah pacat bertaburan sini sana dengan perut buncit diorang.

Haih bila cakap pasal kampung, rindulah pulak nak tengok ni pagi-pagi.

Matahari naik, tengok ngan mama, H, dan Ya masa balik summer ari tuh.

OMG mama tiba-tiba A rindu kampung.

Teringat pulak malam-malam buta nih (2.59a.m)

Anyway, salam Raya Aidiladha lah buat semua.

Tengah-tengah beraya tu jangan lupa la pulak apa niat utama kita celebrate raya ni.

Alamak teringatkan sup perut la pulak, bila raya haji mesti faveret famililah punya :P

P/S - Hihi kalau abah tahu mesti dia marah tahu aku tetiba homesick haha.

Weekend Berlemon Masalah

Plan weekend memang dirancang dengan teramat sangat rapi memandangkan semuanya berjalan lancar minggu lepas.

Berjaya lepas jawab anatomi, lecturer biokem tak banyak songeh, fisio lepas sekadar cukup makan, dan next week tak ada test histologi menyebabkan rasa nak buat weekend ni lebih produktif.

Hajatnya nak study, pastu nak skype, pastu nak gi amek parcel dan bermacam-macam lagi idea bernas.

Tapi, semuanya hampeh.

Start start dengan laptop tak leh nak start macam biasa.

Memang laptop A banyak songeh sejak berkurun lamanya dahulu, yang mana memang kalau laptop tuh mati memang lambat gila nak boleh bukak balik.

Lepas je habis kelas biokem, menandakan yang weekend dah nak mula, yay A pergi shopping sekejap. Window window je hehe.

Then balik tak ingat la pulak nak hibernatekan laptop sebab letih.

Kebetulan laptop punya charger baru-baru ni ada masalah.

Kena pulas putar ejas wayar sikit baru charger tu menjadi.

Then sebab letih yang menggila-gila, tak ingat betulkan wayar, dan tak ingat hibernatekan laptop.

Balik makan tidur.

Bila bangun je pagi esok, laptop dah K.O.

Cuba bukak balik, dan memang berjam jam lamanya try restart tapi still tak leh bukak.

Bila hati dah tak sabar, ada la seket seket mengamuk dan menyebabkan charger rosak terus seratus persent.

Hari pun dah lewat, memang tadak can langsung nak pergi beli yang baru secepat mungkin.

Hajat nak online skype ngan orang kat Malaysia hancur.

Pastu bila emo laptop takleh bukak, golek golek golek atas karpet baca novel yang tak habis habis baca dari dua bulan lepas.

Sedih.

Niat nak study memang lupus hanyut cam tu je.

Then bila hari Ahad, keluar beli charger, tersinggah shopping sekejap, dan balik lewat.

Cuba repair laptop, makan masa banyak gila sampai hampir putus asa, then malam tu baru laptop menjadi.

Laptop oke balik taim lewat gila, fed up, hajatnya nak tidur terus.

Sekali lagi niat nak study hilang, tadak mood.

Pastu teringat yang projek Kulturologi tak siap lagi.

Kena bersengkang mata la pulak nak siapkan projek sebab deadline memang hari tu jugak.

Buat memang tak puas hati gila, cincai cincai serabai.

Bila dah siap, send kat lecturer, pastu terus tidur.

Sebelum nak tidur rasa macam nak demam.

Otak pening pening, tekak rasa lain macam.

Haih sekarang dah demam, mood study hilang, otak letih gila, dan Ya Allah tak selesanya demam.

Haihh.

Dugaan.

Teringat masa tazkirah/usrah taim kat sekolah dulu, ada satu abang senior pernah cakap;

"Dalam suka-suka mesti ada duka, dan dalam duka-duka mesti ada suka'

Haihh.

Masks

"Look, we all wear masks, everyone and everyday.. and sometimes we wear them so much, we forget who we really are. And sometimes, if we're lucky, someone comes along and shows us who we really wanna be...who we should be" - Nikita

Haihh

Terluka.

Emo.

Insaf.

Asyik-asyik tak dapat jawab je kejenya.

Insaf.

Insaf.

Insaf.

Emo.

Tapi still rasa nak gi shopping.

Shopping melegakan emo-ism lah kot?

wth =_="

Post Insafkan Diri

Tengok apa dah jadi.

Suppose to be study anatomi betul-betul, bukannya baring golek-golek pastu tidur atas karpet, ataupun layan movie Bolt, pastu tengok kartun X-Men pulak.

Bajet macam test akan lulus macam tu je bila baca golek golek.

Entahlah, semalam memang mood study tu tak datang-datang.

Bukannya A tak tahu apa yang dia tanya, tahu jek nak jawabnya macam mana, cuma bila dalam keadaan yang mat salleh cakap "adrenalin rush hush hush", dengan dia yang scary meri tanya soalan, pastu orang lain tengok apa yang kita buat macam kena soal siasat, dan kawan-kawan yang power lagi dari A pulak tak lepas, tetiba jadi cuak berlemon lemon.

Sampai menggeletar tangan pegang tengkorak tadi masa nak tunjuk mana letaknya Fossula Petrosa. Nasib baik dapat cover seket seket, walaupun still rasa malu.

Okeh, salah A jugak sebab tergelabah sebut Fossula Tympanica, dan bila dah tersalah sebut mulalah rasa gelabah gedebuk gedebak, pastu kalut kalut.

Haihh, malulah.

Entah bila la agaknya nak perform dalam anatomi nih.

Paham, tapi tak mampu nak explain dalam kalut kalut.

Dah salah dia jugak, tetiba dia tanya pasal urat saraf glossopharyngeal buat apa, sedangkan soalan yang A kena pasal urat frontal ngan urat vestibulocochlear.

Haha tak pasal pasal salahkan lecturer pulak.

Macamlah tak tahu dia tu macam mana.

Tak adil pun ada, memang saja nak buat orang baca dan baca dan baca dan baca sampai arif pasal selok belok urat-urat saraf supaya nanti jadi Pakar Saraf macam dia.

Huh, memang taktikal betul.

P/S - Dia datang jenguk-jenguk hari ni, sebab semalam ke? Takkan dia cam A kot? Nak tanya segan, nak senyum malu. Nasib baik aku duk belakang tadi >.<"

Apa Yang Muslim Patut Buat

Tak tau lah bakpo (baca: kenapa), minggu ni memang apa yang A baca correlate with each other.

Teringat satu post blog yang pernah A baca, daripada blog seorang senior sekolah A yang rasanya dia tak kenal sangat A, berkisar tentang apa yang Rasulullah S.A.W akan buat andai baginda dicerca, dihina macam apa yang si golongan kafir tengah buat sekarang.

Post ni agak panjang sebenarnya, dan ditulis dalam bahasa Inggeris, dan merupakan satu reaksi terhadap Hari Membakar al-Quran baru-baru ni. Dan kalau nak tahu, nama penulisnya Mike Ghouse dan co-writernya lak Imam Zia Shaikh.

Agak-agaknya apa yang Muslim patut buat bila benda ni berlaku?

Senang je, kita tak yah buat apa-apa.

Tak perlu nak marah-marah, kecam-kecam, bunuh-bunuh.

Mula-mula bila A baca pun tersentap jugak jantung ni, sebab contohnya bila ada yang cerci maki agama Islam, A senang naik radang. Tapi bila baca artikel ni, A sedar yang sepatutnya apa yang A buat selama ni salah, tak patut marah-marah.

Yelah, mesti korang ingat atau pernah baca kan yang apa yang baginda buat bila orang baling najis dan batu dan macam-macam lagilah masa baginda solat, maki hamun baginda dan macam-macam lagilah, tapi Rasulullah S.A.W tak pernah marah kan? Tak pernah gaduh-gaduh tumbuk-tumbuk kan? Tak pernah balas dendam suruh orang pukul atau bunuh balik kan?

Yang A tahu, baginda bukan je tak buat apa-apa, malah siap doa lagi supaya hati orang kafir taim tu akan terbuka.

So apa yang patut kita buat bila ada orang kafir hina Islam?

Kita sepatutnya tak patut marah-marah, cuba explain balik apa yang salah, dan doa kat Allah S.W.T supaya hati orang tu terbukak. Tak perlulah nak kecoh-kecoh, tak de guna pun.

Kebetulan bila hati tersentap sebab baca benda tu, A came across video klip lagu terbaru Maher Zain, The Chosen One. Memang masyaAllah, makin sentap hati ni. Intro video klip dia mula-mula dah cakap yang video ni dibuat inspired by Rasulullah SAW, dan memang sebak terus hati ni. Yelah, macam kebetulan je.

Wallahu'alam, semuanya dari Allah SWT.

Apapun, kalau korang nak baca, ni link dia. Sila tekan sini, k.

P/S - A tak pernah download lagu Maher Zain sebab rasa macam illegal je. InsyaAllah nanti A beli album dia.

Final 14 - Telephone

Yay they're doing Telephone!

And oh I love Rebecca's voice!

and Matt Cardle too.

and Mary Byrne.

and cuties One Direction.

and maybe Katie Waissel.

or Treyc Cohen

sometimes Cher Lloyd

and oh I think I should stop.

teehe :)

Oke Oke

It's already autumn, and winter is on its way.

People says that it will be the coldest winter in 50,000 years, and I sorta get the feeling of becoming an ice-age creatures, hibernating myself with warm blankets and watching Gossip Girls on bed with hot cocoa and peanut-butter sandwiches

Hey winter, i'm not that ready lah to meet you. Slow-slow down little little eh

Ah winter, it feels so nice to see the white, purely-looking snow falling down gracefully from the sky without knowing what it capable to do next. It's cold, it's cold, it's cold, and it's cold. I do love the snow, it's so pure, so white, so heaven, so....whatsoever it is, but when it's -20 and below, with blizzard is going on, and we have to walk through the thick white snow for classes, plus if we aren't lucky we'll be slipping over the slippery ice, and it's still dark, and dark always means much colder to me, with the icy snow slapping our faces, the coldness makes my munchy little face can't barely move, and now you believe it's okay?

And yeah it's all gonna be okay, if later I felt so cold and fell down onto the white snow, and a vampire is trying to help me.

Or Jacob Black

*uhh he's HOT :P

Ujian

I always love hearing those cakap-cakap from others who are experiencing what I had last year when I first camed here.

Source utama : haha of cos facebook, I love stalking comments of people, knowing their lives, problems etc etc

Okeh sambung balik. Last week when I am studying anatomy, one of my friends from my batch messaged me via facebook.

F: A jom skype! Please please :(

A : hah Skype?

reaksi terkejut sebab:

1) Skype cuma untuk famili bagi A.

2) A tak rapat ngan dia, dia dari kelas 1st, dan A pulak kelas 4th *oooh

3) Sejak bila pulak A ada dia punya id

4) Dia bukan dari gender yang sama dengan A

F: yup, Skype. jom jom

A: eh, ada add ke?

haha, tu ayat sebab yang mana add A, A tak approve kan sebab Skype tu untuk famili je aka personal purpose :)

F: Alah, ni id. Add la cepat, please xxx.

A: Ah oke oke. Nak sign in jap hoho

so add punya add, then dia approved, dan oh dia video calling A. Tidak tidak. So rupanya "jom Skype" tu maksudnya "jom video chat!"

okeh okeh, releks releks, control macho, betulkan rambut seket-seket, dan lepas 2 minit, baru A approve kan video call tu.

so kitorang borak-borak, dan rupanya dia tertekan. Dia baru fly tahun ni, dan dia rasa yang apa A rasa last year. Dia tertekan dengan anatomi, dengan bahasa, dengan makanan, dengan suhu, dan oh, dia bertudung, so dengan agama jugak.

1- anatomi - subjek paling susah bagi 1st year. Semua kena hafal, dari yang remeh-temeh hingga ke benda yang besar-besar.

2 - makanan - yang mana satu halal, yang mana tak. Aiskrim boleh makan ke tak, macam mana nak tahu benda ni halal ke tak, macam mana nak tanya ni halal ke, daging apa ni, etc etc

3 - bahasa - haha ni susah. mostly kena guna bahasa isyarat. memang tak faham langsung, cakap punyalah laju, pastu tak leh speaking, dan bila tak faham nak marah-marah pulak. I missed Malaysian people, at least we are more tolerate dan graceful (sorry ayat racial dari aku)

4 - suhu - suhu 0 celsius tu dah kira ok. Bagi yang baru datang, yang mana tak adapt lagi ngan suhu sejuk, kulit akan jadi kering, jadi berkeruping-keruping, pastu merekah dan berdarah. Rasa macam telanjang je sebab sejuk tuh menusuk masuk ke baju dan tulang

5 - agama - yang bertudung memang banyak sikit cabarannya. Orang akan selalu conspicious, selalu ingat kita terrorists, dan biasanya budak-budak akan make fun, kecam-kecam.

So yang tu memang selalu jadi kat budak oversea.

Sebab tu mana-mana yang fly akan cakap, hidup sebagai oversea student lagi susah dan sebenarnya tak seronok. Orang lain biasanya bajet student oversea best, seronok dapat jumpa orang kulit putih, dapat tengok negara orang, tapi realitinya memang susah. Kalau emosi tak kuat, matilaa.

A pun rasa memang susah duk kat oversea, especially yang mana duduk kat negara yang English bukanlah medium bahasa yang diorang pakai. Memang susah, memang susah, memang susah. Kalau duduk UK or US or Aussie, entahlah, at least diorang faham apa yang diorang hadapi. Macam kat sini, kalau kena tahan polis pun tak faham sebab apa kena tangkap.

Haih entahlah, malas fikir. Otak dah letih sangat nak menerima, apatah lagi nak digest benda-benda nih. Entahlah, tahun ni memang over sibuk sangat-sangat,

Apapun, A still ada empat tahun lagi, dan kawan A tu ada 5 tahun lagi, so journey masih jauh lagi. Yang pasti memang tak leh tarik diri, mana mungkin kitorang mampu nak bayar sume pengajian tuh, matilah.

Yang perlu student oversea buat, kena tabah, dan bagi A, A selalu fikir yang benda ni jadi mesti ada hikmahnya. Tak kisahlah benda tuh kecik ke besar, semuanya ada maksud.

A memang percaya akan karma.

P/S - Nak uplod gambar, tapi most of them ada lam henfon. Dan tenet tak mengizinkan jugak.

Yay TGIF!

Fuhh.

Minggu ni menggila seket semuanya

Dah rasa macam student medik dah tahun ni. Minggu ni saja dah ada empat exam, berturutan dari hari rabu hingga jumaat. Sebenarnya dua subjek je sepatutnya; anatomi dan histologi, tapi sebab tak lepas ujian fisiologi minggu lepas, terpaksa kena repeat paper tu hari ni. Biokimia pulak tak tahu lagi result, so lebih baik prepare daripada tak bersedia langsung.

So overallnya pasal result tak yah la bagitahu. Just so-so je, nama lagi budak medik. Lagipun A bukannya kisah sangat pasal result, asalkan faham, tu bagi A dah cukup.

Sebabnya, kat sini semuanya bergantung pada nasib sebab semuanya oral. Cuba bayangkan, semua yang kita belajar dan baca dari buku yang tebal-tebal tu, semua kena ingat dalam otak. Lagipun bila oral, takleh nak fikir lama-lama, pastu gementar dan banyak lagilah faktor lain yang buat A cakap semua tu sebab nasib. Bukannya tak prepare atau tak study ke apa, cuma ada masanya mungkin Allah tutup mata hati kita jap, buat kita nerves ke, ataupun buat kita jadi blurr. Sebab tu hubungan dengan Allah kena jaga.

Nasib baik kat sini, asal lulus dah kira syukur sangat-sangat, sebab kat sini tak pentingkan sangat markah atau gred purata atau so on. Kalau sini ada ikut pointer, memang A mati haha.

So malam ni memang nak tidur puas-puas, layan episod drama yang tertangguh, dan tenangkan otak.

Yelah, dah tiga malam berturut-turut dah A tidur dalam dua jam je sehari, pastu otak ni dah kuat sangat dah bekerja, kena bagi dia rehat dulu. Kang tiba-tiba meletup kang, naya nanti.

Haha tiba-tiba teringat lirik lagu Katty Perry tajuk Last Friday Night, dia cakap TGIF!

TGIF - Thanks God it's Friday!

Baru

Memang selalunya macam ni.

Bila ada je exam (kat sini panggil colloq), mesti idea mencurah-curah masuk, dan tangan tu gatal pulak nak mengupdate blog.

Tapi, dah memang lama pun tak tulis apa-apa dalam nih. Biasalah, nama lagi budak medik, kena wajib busy. Kalau tak busy pun kena buat-buat macam busy haha

So kita mula dengan lembaran baru, hidup baru.

Koyak dan simpan kenangan lama, letak kemas-kemas dan simpan baik-baik, pastu cakap yay, jom mulakan hidup baru!

Tahun ni memang semua baru. Memang pengalaman, etcera etcera memang semuanya baru.

Tahun ni, instead of duduk kat hostel, kitoarang duduk kat apartment. Bukan kitorang tak nak, tapi rasa macam tak berbaloi. Lagipun, memang kitorang ada berdepan ngan beberapa masalah yang memang tak mengizinkan kitorang duduk kat situ.

First, kena bayar penuh untuk 8 bulan, iaitu 2650USD. Yang masalahnya ialah kena bayar penuh, dan bukannya separuh macam sebelum ni. Manalah nak korek cari duit dalam 3000USD dalam masa dua minggu. Jangan terkejut, memang harga hostel amat mahal sebab tu bukan hostel MMA. Last year kitorang stay kat Hostel Pushkin, kena bayar 2950USD. Tahun ni dipindahkan ke Hostel Kuzminki, dia bagi diskaun la seket.

Biasanya macam tu lah, 1st year ataupun 2nd year memang tak dapat lagi hostel MMA yang permanent dan lagi murah, which harga dalam 1900USD je, tapi biasalah give priority to senior dulu. Nak tak nak memang kena jimat seket dalam setahun dua ni.

Pastu fasiliti tak berapa oke sangat, walaupun rasanya A still boleh survive kot kalau duk situ. Fasilitinya tak oke macam Pushkin, dan dengan harga macam tu A rasa macam tak berbaloi sangat.

Dan akhir sekali, bila dikira-kira lagi jimat kalau duduk apartment. Tu yang orang cakap, dan A pun fikir macam tu jugak, tak tahulah nanti macam mana sebab duduk sini tak cukup lagi sebulan. Tak tahu lagi macam mana proses pembayaran, ada kena bayar lebih ke, kurang ke, ada top up sikit ke, entah tak tahu. Itu fikirkan kemudian.

So cari-cari apartment, akhirnya dapat satu kat metro Scholkovskaya (Щёлковская), line biru, dan agak jauh dari kelas, sebab kelas banyak kat line merah yang selalu kena bom tu haha. Tapi, rumah tu agak convenient dan kawasan sekitar macam oke je. So malas nak pikir-pikir banyak, jauh pun jauh la, tak kisah.

So rumah tu dipilih, share 7 orang. Overall rasa semuanya okay kot, walaupun jauh sikit daripada biasa. Orang lain lagi dekat, semua di line merah, tapi biarlah, dah ada rumah pun dah kira bersyukur amat dah. Lagipun, kalau diikutkan supposely A duk kat line merah, tapi sebab A berkorban dan baik sangat, malas nak citer panjang kang ada yang terasa, so ended up di sini. Harap-harap semuanya selamat, sebab takut jugak duk kat apartment ni.

Yang paling takut mestilah bab-bab sekuriti. Harapnya tak de lah benda-benda buruk berlaku, mintak dijauhkanlah, Ya Allah.

Placement dah setel, cuma tinggal bab-bab study je lah yang tak berapa nak setel lagi. Esok ada colloq anatomy bab Sistem Saraf, tapi macam biasalah. Sepatutnya exam tu next week, entah lecturer tu gedik tak ingat dunia, bajet student dia boleh jawab besok. Entahlah, baca pun tak habis, pastu nak kena ingat pulak semua benda yang banyak-banyak tu, alamatnya tawakkal je lah macam biasa.

Dah tahu dah yang memang takkan dapat jawab ngan perfectnya besok nih. At least dah mencuba sedaya upaya, tak lah rasa menyesal sangat. Kadang-kadang rasa macam betul ke aku ni nak jadi doktor, subjek anatomi pun belajar main-main nih.

Haih, wallahuallam lah.

P/S - Gambar umah nanti-nanti lah. Dah pukul 2.30 pagi kat sini

Yayah, I promise.

Update

Alhamdulillah, semuanya ok

Banyak masalah menimpa tahun ni, hanya perlu bersabar sebab semua tu ujian daripada Allah SWT

Dah le sekarang ni bulan Ramadhan, mungkin ada hikmah semua ni terjadi

Minggu lepas dan minggu ni agak sibuk, tapi rasa nak update this weekend

Banyak gila nak tulis, dah simpan dah sebenarnya buat draft, cuma malas nak publish lagi

InsyaAllah hujung minggu ni A update, kalau takde aral melintang

Doakan semuanya beres :)

Pecah Perut, Suka Hati

Drama miserable berlanjutan.

Tinggal 4 hari lagi!!

Benci.
Benci.
Benci.

P/S - Tajuk post tu memang seriusly tak berkaitan. Saja nak suruh orang berminat nak klik haha

Fakta

1. Lama amat menghilang dari dunia siber (blog, ym, facebook, youtube etc), dan perlu buat comeback. Mungkin gambar profil fb kena tukar kot, dah berkulat sangat

2. Dalam major kemurungan yang amat sangat, tinggal 7 hari lagi sebelum pergi

3. Tangan cedera masa tengah menggoreng keropok ikan, buat A sedar yang api dunia amat panas, api neraka wallahualam

4. Banyak benda belum disetelkan lagi, malas bertripel lemon

5. Major kerisauan sebab tak tahu apa yang akan menanti di sana (macammana nak daftar, masuk hostel, visa etc)

6. Kecewa bila tahu ada reunion berbuka puasa bagi makhluk-makhluk Faris jajahan KL, nak ikut nak ikut

7. Major kemalasan, mungkin efek dari fakta no. 2, 4 dan 5

8. Lagi seminggu baru boleh jadi aktif, nak habiskan cuti sepenuh hati dulu


9. Nak layout dulu amat sangat, nanti seminggu lagi A cuba kemaskini

so tu je lah, tulis sikit-sikit le baru comel hoho

so TTFN for now, cya in 7++ days. Tc, dan salam ramadhan.

P/S - Ah ini masa sahur daa.

123...

Haha this is absolutely just for fun, 'cause im so curious enough to know what it will be like if i update this blog by using phone. It's just a trial, since there's no internet connection here for almost two months! Screw those damn drug-addicts who steale all the wires. Hope they enjoy rotten in prison right now.

Anyway, living without internet doesnt affect me much though, im still breathing and alive, just like other humans that umm.. alive. At least im having the real hols with no internet and those modern electronic stuffs, and no worries, im happy. Well who isnt happy to have all your loved ones here by your side, 'cause deffo it wont be boring. I hope there's enough time for me to enjoy this last bit of my hols before i fly back there. I seriously want my sis here, sebab takut tak sempat jumpa dia. Sangat-sangat berharap dia okay, sebab katanya dia sakit. Tolong jaga diri k, please :)

Speaking of flying back there, gosh i seriously feel sick. I dont wanna go there yet, im not ready! Its suck, suck, suck! Anyone knows why time flies so fast meh these days? Memang tak aci betul huh. Tak aci tak aci :'(

P/S - Homesick already walaupun tak pergi pon lagi

Special Notes For Them

F and Z, thanks for always making me laughs. It’s like you guys are my sunshine, always enlightens my day no matter what happened. Seriously, all the lights are dimmed once you guys aren’t with me, and it makes my life duller. Thanks again for being so ‘ourselves’, and knowing the fact that nothing changes between us makes me much merrier, although we live our life in a distance. Sorry for forgetting you guys souvenirs, but I promise I will next time. Just update your life with tons of stuff and spill them out once we’ll meet again, k.

M, I know it’s unfair to be left out with no reason, but somehow, I do think you deserve better, more than us. It seemed like you’ve changed, and it isn’t only me who see you’ve changed, others feel the same. You got new friends, new life, and when I see you in your life right now, I can see that you’re happy, happier than the time we were together. I don’t blame you if you hate me, but I just wanna let you know that I still heart our friendship. Sorry for forgetting you the day others and me had our chit-chat, but I didn’t know that you’re already having your hols here that time. Next time k, in case you’re not as busy as always.

A, sorry I can’t make it to your house during your holidays. I thrilled to be there, visiting your cool home which I bet is large and elegant and expensive, but I need to finish everything up at least before fasting month, and before I fly back to you-know-where. I knew I’ve disappointed you twice, first with the small reunion which I didn’t reply your message asap, and second, I broke my promise to come to your house. Sorry, and sorry.

well guys, thanks and thanks and sorry. and to others, don’t worry, ily guys too.

P/S - Background pic got deleted meh? Epic sucks

Hell yeah life is unfair, so suck it up

Ever imagined that you did a very good deed, people thanked you, you’re so proud of yourself and it seemed like you’re a hero to them and people loved and adored and liked you. Nahh, that just will be happened in imaginary world, not here. Life’s totally unfair, the possibility for our good deed to be paid off is so friggin’ly small, and it’d proven that people nowadays are so selfish, as I seriously don’t know why it’s so hard to say at least thank you.

Enough said, sometimes I think that people nowadays don’t act like they are people, or to be exact, humans. It’s not that I’m desperate enough to be adored or famous for my act, but at least respect me as a human who live in a community of yours. We live in a community, and we deserve and need each others. It’s sucked to know that you act nice, always helping people around because you think it’s one of responsibilities in a community but it turns out that people don’t give much like you do, they act vice versa, keeping everything away for themselves and act selfish as hell.

People, they just don’t understand. It’s always us who care about other people, thinking that they might be troubled if we didn’t care about them, but yeah, they are simply just so stupid to understand that.

It isn’t wrong to be nice, but no doubt, it hurts to be nice.

Heart

Heart is under maintenance.

Please retry in a couple of years.

Thank you for trying, and wish you have a very good day.

It's good weather outside i think

xoxo

Drama Queen

Have finished myself watching True Blood Season One last night, and what can i say except the storyline was super cool, minus all the mature stuffs which i think you know what's mostly happening in English drama. Plus, I've gotten myself trying to finish reading Twilight: New Moon again, which i've started before but still, it is completely boring and i feel sleepy most of the time i read that stuff.

I know, I know, there are way too much vampire stuffs that i sank myself into, but honestly, who cares what i watch and what i read? At least i can say myself up to date with current issue haha.

Well it's certainly not those bloodsuckers that i'm trying to blabber about, but since I came to Russia, I spent most of my free time apart from being such a drama queen lalala is by watching drama, preferably English drama to be exact.

Seriously, I'm not that kind of movie person, which mean i prefer to watch dramas compared to movies as somehow I think i can't feel the film so much. Maybe it's me who just freakingly dislike watching films or because of the plot is too short or i don't know. Besides, i don't watch Korean either, and Korean freaks, please don't call me racist or something like that because you know i ain't one. It's just i feel the storyline is soo slow and if you caught me watching those, don't be suprised because it's most probably i need some kind of lullabies to make me sleep lol.

Anyway, these are dramas that i've watched so far. Need to add some comedies though and some medic stuffs like Grey's Anatomy or whatever, maybe.

With no particular order fyi

Gossip Girl Season 1, 2, and 3. Can't believe how much time i spent watching those episodes. I've got no comment why I watch this show haha

Glee Season 1. The best show ever? idk. Love the cast, the storyline, the song, everything. Hilarious in kind of gleek way haha

Vampire Diaries Season 1. Love this show so much. Can't wait for the next season, but undefinable worth watching.

Lipstick Jungle.

Unfortunately NBC stopped the show, but thrilled if suddenly it'll be renewed. *hoping hoping

Life Unexpected. Dunno whether this show will be continued or not, but it deals with those abandoned child which touched me.

Ugly Betty Season 1, 2, 3 and currently trying to finish watching Season 4. Again another hilarious show which i love so much.

Secret Life of American Teenager. Currently watching Season 1. It deals with pregnant teens and how she deals her life. Enough said, it's sex-educational show for teens.

True Blood. Have finished watching Season 1, and now Season 2 takes turn. Love the show, but somehow it overused the f* word. Seriously, underages shouldn't watch this stuff

Pretty Little Liars. Teen's drama, and so far only 3 episodes are aired.

Heroes. It's all about err...heroes?

P/S - Suppose to be my english shouldnt be broken lah kan after this, but nahh, i love imperfect thingy haha

P/S - Haha memang suka tengok yang stress-stress punya drama dan bukannya komedi, sebab tuh mereng seket kepala otak nih.

Changes Are All We Need, Maybe

Seriously, lots of things happened during a year I was studying abroad. Well, it’s not technically a year, but kind of being away (read : far far away) almost eight months from all of those budu and ikan singgang seemed to me like hell yeah it has been a year already.

Stalking through pages of things that I wrote in this crappy blog, there wasn’t much stuffs I mumbling about that country which I currently studying as a honoured medical student (im stressing on word “honoured”) as sadly enough, so far that I concerned, I didn’t like being titled as “the chosen boy who got an offer to fly across the sea to become a medical student” back then. Maybe there were mistakes back then why I felt that way, but who should have known that better from me, and let that kind of things be my secret.

But things do change, and knowing those changes running intensely rapid makes me somehow realizes that sooner or later, things will be ended pretty soon with memories of course, and by memories I mean it must be sweet one. Plus, I realized this is an offer, and absolutely it’s once in a lifetime and instead of being so bitchy, I should be full of gratitude because hey, there’s reason why things happened, and it will be shown when the time is right. Not to mention there’s fortune (read: lots of money) involved dealing with the offer which makes me uber happy haha.

I know, I know that I was in a total mess all of the year mostly but at least it’s happened only for this year. There are another five to come, and let’s pray that I won’t be that stupid emo bitch (bitch is a bad word fyi btw) and should cherish my life there because time flies, and it flies without we barely notice it and that should make us to be much more grateful with what we had now or it will leave us with nothing.

And of course most people don’t like being alone (emo sentence)

P/S - Will be updating a lot next year I promise (read: hope)

P/S - Currently boring, got no stuff to do this summer holiday

P/S – When I mean I am boring, it doesn’t mean I’m alone and that doesn’t mean im emo

Deeper Conversation

Need some privacy asap

It's suck when everytime i try to be blunt and wanna blurt out everything inside my chest, people who knows who am i knows the same stuffs too.

It's suck being so paranoid, afraid of what people may judge me based on what i blabbered about.

I hate being so not me, which makes me have to think twice before i hit the "publish post" button.

That'll certainly explain why there are lots of personal drafts in my dashboard.

Maybe you guys just don't care, thinking that it's my own problems and you guys have no right to stick your own asses in my problems.

But seriously guys, i do care.

I do care what people see in me.

I do care what people judge me.

People says that im to secretive, so mysterious

So what?

Some things are better left being unsaid, and in my case, I like anonymous people to know that.

I'm done guys, and i need a new blog so i just can be me.

p/s - im so emo, but things will be fine and im sorry. still will be updating craps in this blog, but not my problems, heartsays, opinion or whatsoever that involve things that is so-called secrets.

Merapu Malam-malam

wee.

haha, masih sempat ber'wee' di situ.

biarlah, kadang-kadang, 'wee' itu baik buat penenang jiwa.

biasanya macam ni lah A, bila esoknya ada exam, memang malam ni lah malam yang paling banyak idea nak mengepost entri.

sebenarnya tadak la idea banyak sangat, cuma tangan ni cam gataii sangat nak menaip, especially bila otak sekarang perlu rehat lepas masuk input pizik bertubi-tubi tanpa henti.

kalu kira-kira, dala m 2 minggu insyaAllah A akan balik ke Malaysia.

memang tak sabar nak jumpa famili, gumbira memang pasti, eksaited apatah lagi, takut pon terselit jugak kadang-kadang.

bukan apa, dengan rambut selebat jin nih buat A rasa malu nak berjumpa ngan sanak sedare orang kampung. kang banyak pulak yang jadi pengkritik tak bergaji pulak nanti

banyak menda boleh berlaku dalam 2 minggu nih.

kalau pikir-pikir balik, rasanya macam baru minggu lepas datang sini. pantas bebenor waktu berlalu sampai tup tap tup tap je tau tau dah nak balik dah.

paling tak leh blah, dah setahun dah duk kat sini.

next year dah masuk 2nd year dah, pastu 3rd year, pastu 4, 5, 6 dan grad, dan jadi doktor!

Uih mak aih, doktor?

Biar betik orang kurus cekeding macam aku ni nak bedah-bedah orang.

Bila pikir-pikir balik, rasanya nak jadi doktor bahgian forensik la, at least aku bedah orang yang tak hidup, yang tak leh komplen sana sini.

yalah, sapa yang berani nak bedah orang hidup?

ishh, rasa takut la nak jadi doktor.

tapi dah nak buat macammana lagi, dah bidang ni A pilih

nak tak nak lama-lama mungkin jadi biasa, alah, kan alah bisa tegal biasa

huih, berubi-ubi ayat malam ni ohh

biarlah, otak cramp.

tang tu melalut koksir kokdang nih

haha

Four Leaf Clover

Currently listening to Songs From The Tainted Cherry Tree album by Diana Vickers

and these are my favourite meh

Four Leaf Clover - Diana Vickers

You were my Four Leaf Clover

My pure white dove

You were my lightning strike

& knock on wood

My hope, my faith,

My luck & my love

Yeah

You were my shooting star

That lit up the sky

Then you broke the mirror

& my heart died

No hope, no faith

No luck, no love

Just ordinary

Ohh

Just ordinary now

N.U.M.B - Diana Vickers

N.U.M.B

I feel empty

of feeling, of feeling

even God is grieving

N.U.M.B

elevates me

I'm drowning, I'm drowning

Please God, I can't survive

Although I hate so much her voice, I can't stop myself listening to her

and yeah, speaking about Four Leaf Clover, yeah, I do hope I'll get my Four Leaf Clover tomorrow for my Physics final test.

Mengarut Lagi

Jaga-jaga, aku dalam emophilic substitution.

Sejak akhir-akhir ni selalu je rasa sedih yang muncul tiba-tiba.
Memang pelik, sehinggakan diri ni rasanya dah terlebih EMO kot bokali.
Dan bila A rasa EMO, A biasanya dengar lagu-lagu Melayu yang lama-lama, especially lagu jiwang karat zaman dulu-dulu.

Tapi yang kali ni EMOnya pelik semacam.

Sekarang ni A rasa macam nak dengar lagu Ziana Zain, yang evergreen dulu-dulu macam Puncak Kasih dan Anggapanmu. Pelik sungguh, ditambah-tambah musykil dan ajaib. Oh Ziana Zain, engkaulah penenang jiwaku.

Haha, mengarut koksir doh ni.

P/S - Teringin nak makan udang celup tepung kat McD sekarang. Nak keluar malas. :'(

Glosari Loghat Kelantan

bokali - barangkali

koksir - err, guys, macammana nak translate koksir?

I'm Not Ready to Make Nice

Malas nak cakap banyak-banyak.

Yup, lagu ni most probably antara lagu yang paling A suka dengar bagi tahun ini.

Tak tahulah kenapa A boleh terjumpa lagu ni, tapi yang pasti, A tertarik ngan lagu ni mungkin sebab hari tu Taylor Swift menang Grammy, pastu sebab Tay-tay kan country singer, dan lagu ni pun country jugak, dan pastu, lagu ni pun turut menang Grammy tahun yang keberapa entah, so A pikir mungkin ada korelasinya di situ haha.

Pandai-pandaila korang pikirkan macammana korelasi tuh, malas eden nak masuk campur.

Apapun, A suka lagu ni sebab A rasa lagu ni memang honest sangat-sangat, macam setiap bait kata dia jelas datang dari hati.

Yelah, lagu ni kan ada sejarahnya sendiri.

Lagu ni dicipta sebab kumpulan ni, Dixie Chicks kena banned dan kena kutuk kat America sana sebab kutuk presiden George W.Bush masa Bush serang Iraq dulu. Masa tuh, penyanyi dia, Natalie Maines cakap kat audiens korsert dia yang

"Just so you know, we're on the good side with y'all. We do not want this year, this violence, and we're ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas."

Bila tercetusnya kontroversi nih, memang ada yang menyokong dan ada yang tak menyokong. Yelah, media massa memang kompon le tak sokong. Habis diorang kena hentam teruk-teruk. Memang masa ni reputasi diorang turun mendadak dum dam sehingga tercetusnya lagu ni sebagai usaha nak bagi tahu yang diorang takkan mengalah, pastu membawa kepada kemenangan lagu ni di Grammy Awards untuk anugerah Song of the Year, Record of the Year dan Best Country Performance.

So kalau baca dan hayati lirik lagu diorang, memang jelas maksudnya sampai ke hati.

Contohnya, bahagian korus

I’m not ready to make nice

I’m not ready to back down

I’m still mad as hell and I don’t have time to go 'round and 'round and 'round

It’s too late to make it right

I probably wouldn’t if I could

‘Cause I’m mad as hell

Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

dan part yang A suka, part ugutan bunuh yang diorang terima sebab tanak diam.

Yelah, kan diorang dealing ngan presiden US kan tuh.

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby

With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’

It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her

Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger

And how in the world can the words that I said

Send somebody so over the edge

That they’d write me a letter

Sayin’ that I better

Shut up and sing or my life will be over

Apapun, sila hayati lagu nih sebab A suka layan lagu ni bila A emo, especially bila A marah sangat ngan perbuatan someone dan A akan cakap yang, "I'm not ready to make nice". Haha, aku sungguh gay.

Enjoy je le, tak minat sudeh.

Yahudi Laknatullah

Bayangkan situasi ini

Israel menyerang bantuan kemanusiaan untuk Gaza yang jelas tidak bersenjata

A highlightkan di situ :

bantuan kemanusiaan, bukan bantuan ketenteraan

dan tidak bersenjata

Siapa yang kejam dalam hal ini?

Sekarang baru A mengerti mengapa Hitler melancarkan serangan besar-besaran menyembelih kaum Yahudi hidup-hidup di atas muka bumi ini

P/S - Segalanya ada hikmah. Mungkin ini mampu membuka mata dunia tentang siapa salah dan siapa yang benar. Allahuakbar

Silent Birthday

I promised myself that i won't write anything about my birthday in my blog, but like always, promises are meant to be broken, according to my law of life.

28.05.2010

It's supposed to be a silent birthday for me that day.

It should be.

I felt sad

I felt emotional

I felt tired

and I don't know why

Even Glee this week kinda sad for me, although it's Gaga's week.

And plus, the cakes, the parties and the celebration couldn't help me either.

Sorry guys, I know im so disrespectful and ungrateful

but what could I do?

This thing involves my heart, and it seemed to me like my heart is dead.

And let's wish that my heart still can be cured.

____________________________________________________________________

Haha, gurau je lah.

Saja nak cuba latih bahasa omputeh seket, sebab dah lama dah tinggal.

Memang berkarat tahap petala tujuh dah ni nampak gayanya.

Yang pasti, tak sangka la pulak ada besday parti hari tu. Yelah, aku yang letih-letih kalut-kalut masak lauk, then tu rupanya untuk aku. Haihh.

Lain kali bagi tahulah ada suprise, sebab bolehla aku bersenang lenangnya duduk dalam bilik layan movie. Tak le letih sangat. Tambah-tambah lagi, ayam seketui je aku berjaya rembat. Geram cik tipah weiii.

Banyak mengomen la pulak aku malam nih. Sepatutnya aku bersyukur, ada orang letih-letih plan buat benda ni kat aku. Walaupun rasa macam tak layak sangat sebab aku bukannya orang yang baik sangat, tapi dah orang nak celebrate, tumpang hepi sudah le. Jangan nak komplen-komplen pulak haha.

Apapun, thank you la korang sebab susah-susah. Nanti kalau ada nak suprise kan sape-sape, jangan malu-malu suruh aku tolong ye.

Overallnya,

Thanks Mama and Abah and Along and Am, Asih and Yah for being so supportive

Thanks Hema and Ferzana and Nashriq and Amzar, you guys rock amat amat!

Thanks Mun, Ahla, Hani, and Laili for the mee goreng yang pedas tak hengat dunia

Thanks Suganti and Nabila for the keropok-yang-saya-tak-sempat-makan

Thanks Azri, Paul, Nazri, Amin, Anep, Jiji, Iwan, Ihsan and Daus for habiskan makanan secara rakus dan lahap

Thanks Ansari sebab kamu jugak besday boy

Thanks Mamat yang jadik kameraman secara tak langsung

Thanks Quwe dan Mai yang buat drama sebabak dalam dapur hehe

Thanks Hup Sheng and Kee Seng and Jia Huey and Shin Ying yang sudi datang

Plus sapa-sapa yang tak disebut namanya kat sini

dan rakan-rakan facebook, Ilia Eleena, rakan-rakan 5 Gamma dulu, Zaid dan Fadir dan Muiz, teman-teman batch 0408 Faris, bebudak Faris, dan banyak lagilah.

Thanks thanks thanks.

p/s - what else should I say besides thanks? betul kata orang, berkawan lagi bahagia dari bercinta haha :D

1/10

Not a good day to begin my final with.

I sucked pretty much during my general chemistry's mcq this morning.

It's not something that i should be proud to brag of, and i'm so sure that from all the ten questions that were asked, i only scored one.

I don't know what had changed inside or outside me, because the only thing i know is i am now in such a complete mess. It's humiliating and hurts me a lot, knowing that there's ton of stuffs that i didnt know compared to thing that i know. I struggled, but it seems like things that i read just didn't be digested by my brain. I feel like i am the dumbest medic student in the whole batch, as i even cannot remember simple stuffs like basic formula or what. And seeing others happily answering those damn questions without have to struggle at least as hard as me makes me feels like vomiting.

Plus, I hate to think what others think of me, especially when they expect that you're excellent student but the outcomes show vice versa. Label me psycho enough, but that is exactly what i feel when i feel so stupid.

Damn, I hate when my life suck, and i don't know in which part of mine can solve the problems.

P/S - Hoping for 3/10 so badly. I'm down down down emo.

Demam AF8

Hari ni ramai yang kecoh-kecoh pasal Akademi Fantasia musim kelapan semalam. A ingatkan, dah tak ramai rakyat Malaysia yang tengok AF, alih-alih hangat la jugak AF musim nih. Even pagi-pagi buta lagi my roomate dah bukak youtube tengok sapa yang menang. hahah, sori ye rummet, aku mengekposekan ko sekejap di sini.

Memandangkan ramai yang kecoh-kecoh mak timah, A pun turun padang kecoh-kecoh jugak.

Sepatutnya masa ni A nak study, tapi sebab perut lapar, plus ada setengah jam lagi sebelum jam tu menunjukkan numbur genap, A amek peluang tengok persembahan final bebudak AF nih kat youtube.

Haha, aku makin mengarut, cakap je lah malas study.

Kalau nak diikutkan, A tak ikut sangatlah AF tahun nih berbanding tahun-tahun lepas, sebab A rasa dah hilang auranya AF nih. Lagipun tahun ni ramai yang dari Sabah, so memang A dah tahu dah mesti suara sumernya macam Stacy. hihi. A bukan biased okeh, cuma A tak minat sangat bila tak ada banyak sangat pilihan negeri nak dipilih. Tiba-tiba teringat pulak pasal Karen AF4 ngan Idayu AF3 dari kelantan tuh.

Masa ni dah tahu dah sapa yang menang, sebab mesti akan adalah sorang dua makhluk yang akan post pasal sapa menang kat facebook. So niat A cuma nak tengok persembahan final bebudak AF ni jelah tahun ni. Juara dia nama dia Shahir, dan naib juara Adira.

Tu je yang A tahu, sebab biasalah, bila ada juara, mesti ada naib juara, dan mesti sok sek sok sek bising pasal yang naib juara patut menang, yang juara tak patut bla bla bla. Tambah-tambah pulak, Adira ni sorang je wakil perempuan yang berentap kat final. Lagila bertambah semangat nak tengok apa aura pompuan nih, sebab biasanya bila ada sorang je perempuan memang konfom sekonfom-konfomnya dapat tempat kelima. Alih-alih dapat nombor dua. Agak ajaib jugak la nih.

Tengok punya tengok, oke, tahun ni dah record lagu siap-siap, pastu siap buat video klip lagi. Mantap nih. Bila tengok, maka mulalah sesi mengomen daripada A yang still tak baca kimia untuk final dua hari lagi nih.

Shahir nyanyi lagu "Kebahagiaan Dalam Perpisahan". Mengingatkan A pada Didie AF4, sebab lagu dia ada background soprano. Overall lagu ni agak oke, tapi sekali dengar macam lagu lama la pulak. Suara memang tok sah cakap la, namanya lagi juara kan kan? Kawalan vokal agak baik la A rasa. Tak macam kakak entah-sapa-entah yang nyanyi final last year. opps. Tapi seriusly, apa baju yang dia ni pakai? Memang AF tanak bagi dia menang ke? Oren sangatlah mak ngah.

Adira nyanyi lagu "Ku Ada Kamu". Terkejut aku dengar vokal Adira nih. Biar betik AF ada penyanyi yang vokal macam nih. Mantap sangat, macam tak caya je ni produk AF. Lagu, biasalah lagu balada, agak touching tapi lama-lama dengar ngantuk la mak timah eh. Apapun, memang tak caya dia ni produk AF. Memang berkualiti betul vokalnya.

Iwan nyanyi lagu "V.I.P". Memang lagu yang paling catchy dan paling menarik malam tuh. Mungkin sebab A muda, so A memang minat lagu-lagu rancak macam ni kot. Tahap oke je bagi A, dan memang konfom tak nampak aura juara. Tapi lagu dia oke. Maksud A, paling oke. hihi

Maulana pulak nyanyi "RSVP". Entah apa maksud dia pun A tak tahu. Bahasa peh-rah-chins rasanya. Ni satu lagi lagu yang A suka malam tuh. Suka suka. Vokal dia memang masuk ngan lagu jazz macam nih. Cuma satu je yang A tak suka, apasal ada jambul mak datin yang selalu dalam drama melayu kat atas kepala dia? opps, maafkan saya abang Maulana. jangan saman saya, saya olang manyak susah maa. ngihihi

Dan last sekali Daus. Aduyai, lagu comel tak hengat. Tajuk "Kenapa", dan lagu ni pun A suka jugak. Memang nampak sangat lagu ni susah nak nyanyi, tak leh nak salahkan dia jugak kalau vokal dia tak oke sangat taim perform. Apapun, entahle, kenapa tak Iwan yang nyanyi lagu ni? Lagi comel kot.

Apapun, yang menangnya Shahir. Dah tak leh buat apa dah. Cuma A rasa, dalam banyak-banyak lagu, lagu "Kebahagiaan Dalam Perpisahan" yang paling tak best. Tajuk punyalah panjang dan emo, pastu bunyinya agak lama seket. Haha. Biarlah, dah jadi lagu dah pon. Siap dah jadi single dah pun sekarang. Lagipun, bukan A yang undi pun. Rumah A pon tadak astro. Tahu pun guna tenet je. Biasalah tu, adat pertandingan, ada menang, ada kalah. Lagipun benda dah lepas dah kot. Bagi sapa-sapa nak tengok persembahan diorang atau pon video klip single diorang, paham-paham la sendiri nak cari kat mana yek. Nak sedut pon pandai-pandai la cari.

Haih A ni dah melalut banyak sangat dah ni. Benda ni bukannya leh bawak masuk exam pon cik A oi. Nak kecoh kecoh pun, rileks la sampai kimia dah habis baca.

Haihh...AF oh AF, exam oh exam.

p/s - A tak layan sangat AF, cuma minat seket-seket je. Hiburan le katakan.