New Year

Moscow, 31st December, 10:42 pm

In about 1 hour 18 minutes, all of us will be waving goodbye to 2010 and saying hello to 2011. Some are celebrating new year by having small gathering in their apartments/dorm/etc with closest friends, some are partying in clubs/restaurants etc with again their friends, some are already in dataran something for countdown to the new year, and some are just facebooking and surfing internet, alone, and yeah, alone.

...... makan megi .......

yeah kat mana tadi?

oh yep, pasal celebrate something

well tonight i'm celebrating new year alone, well not so alone to be exact, i have my housemates with me in another room, ym-ing kot, and my facebook friends hahahaha, not alone lah kan?

rumah agak sepi malam ni, dua orang pergi sambut new year kat rumah kawan, attending sleepover plus a bit makan-makan, another two went to watch fireworks in still-havent-decide-it-yet place and the remaining are here, celebrating new year with virtual friends and one is in dreams.

But at least i've had some makan-makan at this shoppping complex until 8p.m, and i went straight home. Itupun setelah dipaksa, dan kebetulan pulak we had this meeting with JPA straight after solat jumaat. So i just follow the flow. Yelah, my plan supposed to be at home early, then watching movie while enjoying ice-cream je. Takutlah nak balik lewat atau tengok bunga api with the Russians, macamlah diorang minda betul sangat bila diorang mabuk.

Anyway yep, that's my new year celebration.

Eating megi, facebooking, hearing this dumdam dumdam outside and yeah that's it.

I'm celebrating it with peace, and that's a good thing lah kan kan?

But i'm a bit jealous bila dengar these dum dam dum dam outside my apartments with lotsa kids yang tak tidor lagi walaupun dah lepas pukul 12 dah ni. Buat hati ni menyesal tak ikut my housemates keluar tengok bunga api, mesti cantik kan scenery dia.

Takpe takpe, ada hikmah la tu sebab apa tadi tanak pegi, kita mana tahu apa yang tersembunyi di sebalik apa yang kita buat kan? Tahun depan memang kena ajak batchmates lah pergi ramai-ramai, baru tak rasa takut sikit.

Okay, skipped this.

Bila tahun baru start, mesti sibuk-sibuk duk tanya apa azam tahun baru?

Well this year, i wont be berazam lagi, sebab azam yang tahun tahun lepas berkurun lamanya tak pernah pun tertunai. So malaslah nak berazam-azam nih, i'm not that istiqamah lah.

Tapi cuma satu je azam, azam ni memang sama tiap-tiap tahun lah punya, iaitu nak perbaiki diri especially dalam bab-bab agama. Yelah, makin bertambah tahun ni makin buat aku jadi takut nak hidup. Tadi baru je nak post something kat facebook nak buat status, then ternampak seorang hamba Allah ni tulis pasal surah al-Asr. Then directly rasa macam kena stabbed stabbed je jantung ni.

Tiba-tiba je terpikir, aku still tak berubah pun walaupun dah lepas satu tahun. Tu pun nasib baik lepas, kalu tak dapat hidup dalam setahun yang Allah kasi tu macam mana? then minda mulalah pikir pasal mak, abah, along, am etc etc etc.

Takut kan?

Apapun, hepi new year lah.

Hope makin bertambah tahun ni buat kita makin bersyukur ngan nikmat ni, dan buat kita propel forward lah supaya kita tak jadi orang yang rugi

Okelah, Salam 2011 semua

Ini Harapan, Mungkin Bagi Aku Je Kot

Ada yang rasa geli, menyampah, meluat, tapi bagi aku ini satu harapan.

Korang pulak, amacam?

Apa korang rasa?

Old Days

There's definitely something wrong with me. Ive been strolling down the memory lane these days by filling myself in with tons of evergreen Malay songs, from P.Ramlee's to Mawi's, Misha Omar's, Jamal Abdillah, Anuar Zain's etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc

Just last night i watched all Siti Nurhaliza's AJL performances, from Jerat Percintaan to Destinasi Cinta on YouTube, and i remember last week i downloaded all Anuar Zain's ballad songs just because i felt like listening to his voice, viewing back all reality programmes' performances from AFs to Malaysian Idols and OIAMs, and gosh today i was singing dangdut of Amelina and Ramlah Ram with some oldskool stuffs from Sudirman and Saloma, plus some lagu rakyats like Ulek Mayang and Suriram.

Am I missing the old days way too much?

Rubbish.

Just ignore this one, won't you?

Again

ive been thinking over and over again to shut this blog down due to some reasons that i strongly believe reasonable. I just can't live like this anymore, i feel oppressed in my own world. Things got their own limit, and breaking the habit sometimes will make some feel uneasy. That's the reason why i rarely posting new stuff here, i hate judgements, especially from people who i'll be meeting everyday with.

And looking my unpublished 183 posts, i really need to get over with this asap

it's not that im trying to be disconnected with people, i just dont feel people will understand my situation, and i seriously need that space.

..................................................

maybe its a bad idea typing this after all.

bukannya aku tak leh buat senyap-senyap kot, nak jugak announce satu dunia

huh, should go shopping lah to release tension XD

Scarves DIY

Stumbled on these when googling around for trashion stuff, omg so gonna try 'em out.

and this one reminds me with the one in TopMan, the one that quite pricey for just a scarf T_T

for more creative DIY stuffs, click here :)

X Factor Finale

Life was miserable these days, but that shouldnt be an excuse for me to not doing my small recap of this year X-Factor's finale like always. Lantaklah apa korang nak cakap, its my fine own world lah.

Based on their performances, it's predictable who will win this year's X Factor, and I wasnt surprised when Dermot announced Matt Cardle's name, although i was rooting for One Direction that night hohoho.

My favourite performance?

The duets of Rihanna and Matt Cardle.

Watching Rihanna performing Unfaithful with him enlightened me up, not just because it's Rihanna and that's my favourite song of her, but Danni knew how to play her card well by collaborating those two together, although I could see he's struggling a bit with the song.

Rebecca was soulful like always, I hate her winning single though, it wasn't great at all. She shouldnt sing Duffy's, or Adele's, or someone's song who has the same vocal range like her, it makes her looks nothing but a copycat. Other than that, yes, she has the voice of an angel.

One Direction? I love love love their Natalie Imbruglia's Torn version. Lagipun it's another my personal favourite song. I know you guys cant win, but please please please cover that song in your upcoming album please.

Cher Lloyd? She's amazing, and she's got talent. Idk what to say about this girl, I sorta have this hate-love thingy with her. She's annoying, but she's irresistible to watch. Knowing her winning single will be Shontelle's Impossible makes me regret though, but I still dont want her to win.

So yeah that's it, my small review.

Matt's winning single is great though, it suits his vocal. So yeah, I hope next year's X-Factor will be as much fun as this year.

So here's his duet with Rihanna, he sounds a bit nervous, tapi layan je lah :)

and here's One Direction's Torn

and Rebecca's Just Like A Star (Corrine Bailey-Rae)

p/s - haha Unfaithful masuk balik dalam carta UK, it's all because of X-Factor :)

Sacrifice

let's shout to the world what we've sacrificed so far, and heart will be harmed no more.
hiding our good deeds in the name of sacrifice doesnt makes us respectable, people are just plain stupid these days. they insanely judge people with their idiotic mind, and those who so-called liars are worshipped more than anything. maybe its time to live with lies, since people love liars.

truth hurts, but why should we suffer, when things should get better?

Clown

Like seriously, I dont have to make fun of myself by being hypocrite just to be in your self-created social circle, my mind still functioning well to tell me that im not that low. I know i have bad communication skill, but that doesnt mean i should be a clown, fancying around like a stupid penguin to be accepted in your community.

Even not everyone loves clown, isnt it?

One piece of advice, mind your own business please.

If you didnt like me, why bother messing up my life?

Day(s) 03, 04, 05, 06, 07

Ye saya tahu, saya pemalas.

Sepatutnya saya kena siapkan task ni, tapi saya stop kat Day 02, lepas tu memang hilang mood nak sambung balik.

Idea ada, cuma entahla, malas malas malas.

So hajatnya nak cuba cover sikit, cuba completekan yang mana yang termampu. Yelah, daripada tak buat langsung, baik cuba cover seket-seket.

So yeah jom mula!

DAY 03 - A picture of you with your friends.

I skipped this one, hate posting my own pictures muahahahaha.

Senang cakap, cameras hate me.

DAY 04 - A habit that you wish you didnt have

Oh this one should be an emotional one for me.

I wish that I am not that weak-hearted, too sensible person.

I wanna be stronger, and being stronger means i need to be ignorant.

Need to explain more?

Being (too) kind sucks!

DAY 05 - A picture of somewhere you've been to.

Ahha ini so klise!

Asal budak study kat rusia je mesti pos gambar posing ngan St. Basil, memang klise. Tempat ni memang selalu pegi kot last year bila emosi tak berapa nak stabil. Sebabnya tempat ni boleh tahan la cantiknya, tempat tarikan pelancong kot sini. Lagipun ada taman dekat-dekat situ, senang nak rehat-rehat minda tengok orang dating oopps. Pastu ada muzium, pastu dekat ngan shopping mall, diulangi shopping mall haha. Sekali lagi diulangi, shopping mall.

Day 06 - Favourite superhero and why?

Favourite superhero? Kalo boleh semua aku nak jadi. Nak jadi power rangers, superman, batman, ultraman taro, sailormoon, doremon, powerpuff girls, son goku, avatar etc etc etc. Tapi kalau boleh, sejak kecik kecik lagi minat nak ada power yang berkait ngan halimunan/invinsibility. Pastu bukan je stakat halimunan, siap boleh tembus dinding atau macam-macam benda macam hantu. Kalau dalam x-men ada satu watak tu, tapi dia pompuan, nama dia Kitty Pryde atau Shadowcat.

Sebab apa nak jadi macam hantu?

Entah, cool apa dapat power macam tu?

Kalu tak pun nak kuasa yang dapat baca minda orang, sumpah memang akan jadi emo selalu.

Tapi tak nak la dapat power yang berkait ngan hantu-hantu, macam dapat tengok...eyyy "seram"

Day 07 - A picture of someone/something that has a big impact on you

This picture doesn't has anything to do with me, but the statement does. Memang impak maha maksimum tahap gaban.

So dah dah la tu malam ni, sambung lain kali pulak.

Salam.

Lap Stove, Ingat Mama

I really need to post this.

Saya bukannya orang yang pembersih sangat, kalau kotor sikit-sikit saya still dapat handle, bukannya terlampau freak sampaikan kotor sikit boleh buat saya pengsan.

So sebab rumah ni dihuni dengan 7 orang lelaki bujang, dan apabila duk apartment ni macam duduk kat rumah sendiri tanpa sebarang peraturan, so bayang-bayangkanlah kondisi rumah tu macam mana.

Bila rumah tu dah agak serabai sikit, saya tolong kemas sikit-sikit, terutamanya kat tempat awam macam tandas dan dapur, sebab tempat tu saya kongsi sekali. Saya ni jenis yang tak leh tengok benda yang tak teratur, benda tu boleh buat saya jadi tak selesa.

Biasanya saya mengemas bila tempat tu teruk sangat, kalau kotor-kotor sikit je macam biasa saya pun tak kisah. So semalam saya bersihkan stove dapur sebab kat stove tu macam ada benda tumpah dengan banyaknya, dan benda tu dah seminggu lebih tak dicuci.

Dan prinsip saya pulak kalau saya mengemas, kalau saya start je mengemas memang saya akan kemas semua benda lah dari pinggan mangkuk, sink, mop lantai, lap meja, buang sampah etc etc sampai saya puas hati. Sebabnya memang mak abah saya ajar saya macam tu, memang yang selalu kemas rumah pagi-pagi memang saya ataupun kakak saya, mak saya biasanya uruskan pasal jemur baju dan hal-hal dapur.

So bila stove tu dah bersih, saya balik bilik nak layan Vampire Diaries, dan kawan saya yang on duty masak hari ni mulakan tugas masak dia. Bila dia dah siap, hancur hati saya. Stove tu kotor balik, bukan kotor biasa-biasa, tapi ada kuah tumpah banyak macam yang lepas punya.

Terkejut saya tengok stove tu, sebab memang saya dengan kentalnya cuci stove tu.

Masa tu saya nak marah, tapi saya terbayang sesuatu.

Saya terbayang yang oh macam ni rupanya mak saya rasa bila dia penat-penat kemas, pastu anak-anak dia kubangkan (baca: kotorkan) balik tempat tu. Masa tu saya terharu, memang strike to the heart betul-betullah punya tentang betapa tingginya nilai sabar seorang ibu melayan karenah anak-anak dia. Yelah, tipulah kalau saya cakap saya tak pernah kotorkan balik tempat yang dia letih-letih kemas kot waktu saya kecik kecik dulu.

So saya dengan sabarnya lap balik benda tu sebab bukannya hal besar pun nak kecoh-kecoh, bukannya selalu benda ni terjadi, dan memang saya pun tak suka marah-marah orang, itu bukan saya.

Dan ya, setiap kali saya tengok stove tu, saya akan rindu mak saya.

P/S - Kalau saya marah saya akan marah habis-habisan, saya akan pendam dulu sampai meletup baru dramatik seket efek dia kat orang sebab boleh tembak berdas-das-das banyaknya mwahahaha.

Day 02 : Blog's Name Bla Bla Bla

Day 02

The Meaning Behind You Blog's Name

hee this one is easy.

alah obvious kot, I am bloody ungrateful and that's explain the title well.

sebenarnya kalau ikut sejarah yang lepas lepas, A memang selalu mengarut, luah masalah, kutuk-kutuk orang guna blog ni. Tapi lama lama bila dah blog ni orang dah discover, terpaksa kena kurangkanlah sikit bab bab tak puas hati ni.

Yelah, tak nak lah orang cop kita emo.

Pastu tak suka orang tiba-tiba jadi prihatin on the spot.

Contohnya bila A pos rasa tak puas hati, then besoknya mesti adalah punya yang tanya apa yang tak kena, apa yang berlaku...alah cakap je lah nak cungkil rahsia, kan senang.

Tengok, orang jadi prihatin pun A marah marah kan?

Memang tak bersyukur = ungrateful

Tu yang jadi "the ungrateful me" tu.

Anyway yelah, dah lama kot tak beremosional kat sini.

Rindu lah pulak.

P/S - and yeah i am waiting when i'll be grateful even for once.

Day 01 : This Is Me Bla Bla Bla

I've missed 5 Challenges, gosh I'm so lazy these days, so yes I'll try to cover 'em up.

Day 01

A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

Well i didn't like posting my own pics, i'm shyly shy person.

But yeah whatever, maybe later.

15 interesting facts about myself.

1. I don't like eating vegetables, and please understand that don't like doesnt mean i anti them.

2. I love to isolate myself from others for couple of minutes to refresh my mind per day.

3. I love literature, especially those with myths and folklores and ancient history of civilisation. In fact, i've read Sulalatus Sulalatin and some Greek mythologies when I was seven

4. I like arts and drama, music and novels

5. Coffee, Tea and Hot Chocolate with cookies or raisin cake

6. I'm officially single, and will always be until who knows when. but I am searching hoho

7. I'm scared of blood kinda a bit, but I'm taking medic *funny*

8. I love learning new languages, my mind is more to arts and literature

9. I don't like children and always scares them when they're near me haha

10. I love fashion, but too scared to be fashionable. I believe i have low self-esteem, always believe people will comment, judge me for everything that I do, so i always be careful *scary*

11. Easily get nervous, starting with my hands shaking first

12. I'm difficult to be angry, i tend to keep it first and remain silent until it bursts out at one point, and yeah jangan buat aku marah sebab i can't control it

13. I'm not emo, i just love thinking about my own problems

14. I wanna live a simple life, but there some things that drift me away from what i want *sigh

15. I'm not a kind person, yeah maybe sometimes kind, but i take the word revenge seriously bwahaha

dah cukup kot 15, cih letih aku pikiaq.

Karma

I didn't pray for this to happen, in fact, I believe I was happy with my life until the past couple of weeks. It's all started with a betrayal, and it's my fault. I was angry and emotionally unstable in that moment, and in that state of mind I did mistakes. Big and stupid mistakes. Since then there were tons of sequels of drama as consequences of what i've done and I tried to solve things out, fixing this and solving that, hoping everything will be just fine.

Of course everything was fine, silly me solved it so professionally, and I thought I will be okay.

But i was wrong.

I was completely wrong.

I didn't sort things out perfectly.

There were some parts which I didn't cure, which involve heart and feelings of myself.

I was hurt. I felt betrayed, thinking that I have no one here who I can trust, since the only people who I trust didn't trust me as much as I do.

But it wasn't a big deal. It's a small matter.

But the problem is i am a sensitive type of person inside. Extra sensitive to be exact.

And that caused me to always judge people. I judge people based on what they did because that's who i am, i'm an observant, and sensitive too, and of course whatever things that they did left permanent scar in my heart.

And it's permanent.

And permanent means it sucks.

The real problem is I am a huge karma believer.

I believe that if I felt moody from the beginning of the day, my day will be like hell.

And yeah i couldn't control it, and it happened.

I felt uneasy for couple of weeks, and feeling moody wasn't a good sign for me for my future days ahead, and my theories of karma were practically true. Things started to fall apart, I've been so emo, my head hurt, i feel so tired, and yes, I was in a mess, and still am.

Loads of problems occurred, and they weren't easy to be solved.

I don't know if I could solve things out right now, my time is limited, I definitely need some helps. I need my friends right now.

And when i mean friends, i really really mean real friends, and freaking yes it's hard to find one these days.

I'm sorry, I didnt blame anyone on this. It's my fault, and if pretending that my life is fine will makes me happy, or others happy, so being hypocrite will be my choice.

Usually i have no problems with things like this. I am professional, I always take extra precautions to save my heart from being hurt, but that day I just couldn't bear it.

I lose control.

And hell yeah I was tired.

and still am.